Charlzee's Insomnia.

Goodbye

2010-06-02T19:55:00.000-07:00

I have decided to let Charlzees go.

not many people come here now so i don't even know how many people would read this. but..

im moving to a secret location:)

soo to all my friends, get in touch with me and i'll let you know the cool ass new site im on.

or.. you can just wait till i publish it on facebook or something. ahaha

Visual Reasoning

2010-05-25T07:40:00.000-07:00

One very firm reason why i try not to post pictures when i blog is because if readers (if any at all ) read my blog, they should be recieving the joy of reading texts and not the visual orgasm of having little illustrations, cartoons, photos or anything other visual aids to help bring out their point.

a writer should be able to express his or her ideas clearly, creatively without the help of visuals.

or so i thought.

in the last few quotations that i sent out for my Matchstick Events, I realized that i had not been including any visuals at all!

for example, when the client requests for maybe some intelligent moving lights. By right, i should be just inserting a short write up that basically says

" Intelligent Moving Lights" with a nice picture attached probably on the right of the text

but NOOOOOO

I had to be " CREATIVE... "

and so, it didn't hit me till a while later ( like 10 minutes ago ) that i have been sending very interesting quotations that might have given a few clients a good laugh or two.

So its good that business is picking up for matchstick events. Its the work that keeps my mind off the real stuff that stresses me out.

and right now, It just doesn't feel the same. In the past (like maybe 5 years ago) blogging seemed to be the 'in' thing to do. you know? you whine, you bitch , you rant, you practically scream your fingers off onto this little online portal called blogspot,

and all your little minions a.k.a besties will come clicking away from link to link and land onto your little tree of despair. offering you peace offerings and kindness that go in the shape of the following

<3>_< =D :P

the cooler ones would go like

'Ehss.. dun sadz larhss.. mi ere 4 euu kaes? mUaCkS!! ~ =) "

and you have this little tagboard, that annoymous weirdos will be screaming

" FUCK YOU CHARLES, YOU'RE A FUCKED UP WHORE! "

and then you'd get all upset and start bitching, ranting, practically screaming your little fingers off once again into this little online portal called blogspot.

and the cycle goes on.

but things change, i no longer feel that sense of security ranting into this online space. even though i know hardly anyone comes along here. but still. it offers me no relief, no salvation from the torment.

so ladies and gentlemen. i have exhausted another outlet today.

therefore, i have decided against my better judgement. to revert to my old style of stress relief.

i present to you. ...

BEJEWELLED!!!!!!!!

Responsibilities.

2010-03-25T09:58:00.000-07:00

In this crazy world.

or rather in this country with the constant vendetta of people's skills versus the Holy paper.

I probably have relentlessly ranted on like a aged veteran Vietnam-war soldier about the mad pace my life is changing at countless of times.

But to recap it at an equally ignoramus pace, lol, ive realized. hey! Its moving wayyy to fast for my golf ball sized brain.

Not going to start with a long boring ranting session as possibly, no one but my girlfriend comes here anymore:(

( So sad right? considering the fact that once upon a time, i had almost 100 unique IP addresses visit Charlzees a day )

but of course i must take into consideration that i hardly blog as much now.

ha ha. And to sum it all up,

I have been kicked off the safety of my airplane. Into an unfathomable, infinite sky. Where possibilities have no boundaries.

Something like Alice in wonderland but in this scenario, its Charles Kena kicked off from the airplane and left to die.

Its up to me now to pull my parachute. and its one motherfucking tough cord.but when it opens ladies and gentlemen, I promise you the immense beauty will captivate your soul and i definitely will not be alone:)

Cheers

Its okay .to be gay!

2010-02-23T10:28:00.000-08:00

No it isn't okay.

what were you thinking man?

putting religious views aside for now. If you're gay, so be it man.

It doesn't matter if you're a a dude stuck in a girl's body or vice versa.

You're gay. Period. its just YOU.

But today's term 'Gay'

also refers to having pleasant( happy ) feelings .

as the saying goes. " John is a happy and gay " It doesn't necc mean that john's some flamin homosexual.

i was BORN (Not gay ) but together with 4 sisters.

and trust me, having no brothers suck big time. who are you gonna box when one of your siblings pisses you off man?

no one!

you can't punch your sisters! haha

But anyway, my childhood was filled with my sisters treating me like some kind of barbie doll. i developed the same silly fears ( the dark, cockroaches etc ) and was labelled as some what a pussy boy.

and trust me, regaining my mojo in my late teens was no easy feat. The endless 'gay-boy' name calling is def not a force to be reckoned with.

but anyway, i grew up with them.. more or less covering my ass.

I remember once when i was pretty young. There was this asshole who dug a giant-ass hole in the playground , covered the top with newspaper and sand. and played catching with me.

The consequences went without saying and i ended up crying my eyes out later on at home. with my cuts and bruises as battle scars.

to my surprise, it wasn't mum or dad who went to kick ass. But my eldest sister. who marched me right back to the play ground and grabbed the guy by the scruff of his neck and showed him a thing or 2.

surprisingly, I'm 21 and i still recall it vividly.

The good thing about being a little more gay than the rest of the other guys. is (sadly) my sisters 'trained' me, how to treat a lady right.

i was their.. i would say. insurance policy. haha. i think they somehow believed that i would be different.

i remembered the lessons on " how to open a door for a girl' 'never refer to a girl as girl but a lady' '*** guys ALWAYS pay" or at least offer.

and many many more.

so, the sad truth is. As much as i hate to admit it, it does pay off.

so the next time some sucker makes fun of you for holding open the door for a lady. let her go in first, give her a smile. close the door.

BEAT the shit out of the jackass senseless . and then tell him.

" Mate, Its okay to be gay. "

Counting your blessings, as difficult as 1, 2 ,3

2010-02-22T03:52:00.000-08:00

At one point of time in your life or another. you would probably have heard it. whether it was from your mum, dad, teacher, friend or stranger, you'd recall it being said somewhere.

" ____ (insert name here) , Don't forget to count your blessings okay? "

If you were to piously read those few words, the only thing that would probably pop into your mind, is to be thankful of the good (usually materialistic )things that have happened onto yourself.

for example.

" That new job "

" The Contest i won"

etc.

Its Rare that we count 'Family' as one of our blessings. or even Good health.

Why? simply because of humans primal urge of survival. A.K.A, being selfish.

When we watch from the safety of our windows, be frank with yourself man. the only thought that (No matter how hard you try) that pops out is

" As long as THAT doesn't happen to me "

sure, we give a few gifts or put on a sympathetic face for the affected. But nothing more,

So Ask yourself if you are reading this,

Are you Really counting your blessings?

or are you just born selfish.

Don't you just hate it when.

2010-02-21T07:55:00.000-08:00

Ever had one of those days where everything seems to go wrong?

common question. almost rhetorical.

we all have some sort of philosophical perception that when it rains, it fuckin pours.

or as the famous murphy would say. all that can go wrong, will go wrong.

still feeling shitty about that small wrong decision that you made that almost cost you your ass?

well chin up buddy. cos someone, somewhere out there. has probably dug a grave far deeper than yours.

One of those Days,

2010-01-20T11:26:00.000-08:00

Straight through my heart, you got me.

Emcees that should go on M.C

2010-01-17T08:49:00.000-08:00

Pass by any shopping center over the weekend and if you are in luck you might see a cozy little make-shift stage in the center of the mall.

It usually signifies that there is a road show, or a event. whether it is product launches, cars, bikini babes whatever, it is still a show of some sort,

and the star of that show, is the emcee.

now apart of the few other famous emcees i know of, (flying Dutchman, Joe Augustin, Moe Alkaf. etc) the others (like me) are simply struggling-to-get-by shopping center emcees with the 'once-in-a-while' Dinner and dance etc.

And i happened to be passing by particular shopping center where i saw, or rather heard a stage emcee. the result?

-Charles leaning in a corner and typing in his hand phone EXACTLY what he heard. At the same time, sighing to himself thinking that he can do so much better. ( so cocky right? muahaha)

but anyway, this joker went something like (pauses to check hand phone )

lay-dees and gentle-men. Welcome to Wess Marul !

Translation: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to west mall.

2day, we have a special poh-mo-ton ..... going for aye ayet dot-larrs!!

Translation: we have a special promotion... going for eighty-eighty dollars!

you have no idea how sad i felt, if i can do so much better, why is he up there while im down here typing out his mistakes on my mobile phone so that i can blog about it late at night ? hahaha.

2009 Reflections.

2010-01-04T07:17:00.001-08:00

I realized that i have been putting this off for a long long time so i decided to write them here, where this once active blog that had 80- 100 unique visitors a day to barely 25 a week.

2009 was such a fast paced year that was filled with one of the biggest highlights of my life ever.

In the early 2009,

I went for my 1st ever surgery. The Removal of my right knee's meniscus. A frightening, heart-pumping and nerve wrecking experience that could only be soothed by the people who were present.

My girl, Sarah. Raphael. HuiMin and Mario. And of course my dearest God sister Nerissa. whom i never expected to come.

My Godpa did something very touching that day, he drove down and helped me off my wheelchair while sniggering at me and into the car. drove Sarah and i for dinner and accompanied me back into my hell house while i was on crutches.

while walking back, i remembered, in a bid to 'look macho' i tried walking 'Faster' with 2 crutches by swinging it forward then 'swinging' my body over. It resulted in me swinging a little too high and was descending into a slow but sure fall on my back. My Godpa Dashed forward and lightning speed and grabbed me up. but of course that came with a price.

'Hopeless.." he said. a little plaster for his shyness.

In march, after i could start walking again,

I went for my Braces. to fix my misplaced teeth that has been the core source of cruel jokes and crude remarks for the past 20 years. The 'hell week' of pain when the braces came on was something definitely not to be reckoned with.

i had to stay away from solid food. totally.

the pain was too great. whats more, i have a low threshold for pain. which makes me a giant ass pussy boy i know.

a few months later, My wisdom teeth was blocking the movement of my teeth. so i had to take them out or risk infection. Since the SAF was paying for it. i decided, against my better judgement. to remove all 4 wisdom teeth at one go through surgery.

so here i was back again. in a day surgery center, this time at Alexandra hospital. once again, i was really scared. But the only person who came was my mum. Even Sarah rushed down after her internship even though she was dead tired.

after i came out general anesthetic, my whole mouth was sore. as they wheeled me back into my ward. i could feel my throat filling up with blood and saliva. i spit into a kidney dish that the nurse gave me. and all i could think of was blood and pain. cos that was exactly what i saw.

my mum had left, and i was all alone in excruciating pain. with my swollen mouth and cheeks. for a good 5 hours. The general anesthetic kept me awake, but it was too painful to sleep. it was like being stuck in limbo.

in August, Sarah and i went to Malaysia with my godpa and family. We celebrated our 4th year anniversary there. I spent a good few weeks making a crappy little looking musical box. and my dear Godbrother Raphael, Daniel and Jane, rode down with me to Malaysia the day before our family trip for some famous laksa and to put the box at the hotel reception.

she made me a CD that housed a touching video of our 4 year journey which is still viewable on my face book profile.

on the night of 9th August 2009. They made me sing a song which i wrote for her:) the lyrics on the chorus go:

"Baby i need you, i miss you and i want you some more,
i wanna see you. i want to feel you, right outside my door.
to hug you and hold you, and kiss your sweet lips.
cos baby, i try and i try
to love you once more. "

The trip itself was unforgettable. i will never forget how i sprained my arm over 50 RM. (swimming race ) the countless countless countless cigarettes. the beer, drinks and the gambling.
and yes, the taste of the forbidden fruit (sheesha)

Then the inevitable week came that my Godpa had to go overseas for work. i brainstormed with my brother Raphael and we finally decided on a BBQ. as much as i felt like drowning him very much. the event was successful. which was all that mattered.

My Godpa soon left.

I found a dream job as a freelance Emcee. and working hard on late nights in front of my mirror practicing the makings of a great master of ceremonies. I managed to save enough money to pay for my Class 2A by myself.

school was also taking its toll on me. It was the examination period. I had to juggle lessons in the evenings. while doing my national service in the day.

subsequently, i sold my beloved RXZ. which was turning into a nightmare bike with all the petrol and repairs. and had to endure taking the bus for 2 months plus. which wasn't such a bad thing when i look back.

it gave me alot alot of time to take time to smell the roses. watch scenery. and seriously reflect on things that have happened. Decisions that i have made, wrongly or not. Even the degree of responsibility of my spoken words was thought over long and hard.

friendships and relation hips that i had previously clung on too tightly because of my own fear of insecurity and inferiority were discarded or left aside of further pondering.

Eventually, in late 2009. I Passed all my examinations with very flying colours, with a total of 1 distinction, 3 merits and 1 Pass ( which i swear to this very day is the examiner's fault because the module is called 'Communication Skills' )

on top of that, i managed to clear my class 2A within 2 months even though i scrimped and saved for each and every lesson.

i was offered a job ( though now with slight regrets ) in the same events company as their marketing/events training manager.

which btw, am doing a fantastic job at.

Sarah's 19th birthday party 'White Night 2009' was a tremendous success. and most importantly she was happy.

that was when she found out that our church friends could really really clique with the best friends of her life. and soon we formed our clique. whom we both love very very dearly.

All friends are imperfect. and have their flaws, but you judge a person's character on his/her values. Integrity, Trust, dependency, loyalty not just to you, but to everyone around you. our group is flawed in so many different ways. but beautiful in our own ways.

My Godpa gave me a challenge to lose weight until i reached 85 KG before he would pass me his Honda Super 4. Determined but annoyed, i saved money and together with Sarah, bought membership at a country club at a very very promotional rate. i went there every single day to use the gym and swim. I ran and did not stop despite the extreme pain on my knee.

and when he came back for a short 9 day leave. I had lost a total of 7Kg+

i was 96KG and now weight about 88KG. i think he saw the difference because he allowed me to take the bike on installment loan

With the latest addition of members on both ends, we have formed the ' Dai Dee Duckies ' .with our latest retreat : " Camp Zonkers" made us closer than ever.

This year, 2010. will be a great year. Because i only have one resolution. which is to be closer to God.

I am Strong, I am independent, and with God's help.

i can can conquer the world

i can make a difference:)

Happy 2010 to all my friends and love ones

Sushi

2010-01-04T00:29:00.000-08:00

Much apologies for the late entree for my december post on my monthly sushi escapades.

muahahaha.

im sitting down here in my office, with the aircon blowing not so hard. so its quite stuffy actually. my stomach's growling and the clock seems to have stopped somewhere in 1969.

my stomach is already growling so badly. just by looking at these 3 simple pictures, im about to cannablize my own collegues.

sushi dinner with jiaying and sarah sometime in mid december. Sakae Sushi as usual, never fails to satisfy my japo craving.

which for some reason since young, been an ultimate sucker for japanese rice.

anyone know where i can get them?

cos i am seriously tempted to steal all the rice from sakae sushi and bring it home. maahhahahahah

go to sakae sushi! right noww!

Dai Dee Duckies Camp Zonkers!

2010-01-01T19:47:00.000-08:00

Finally! something 'family' orientated to blog about instead of annoying Singaporeans. As most of you know, I'm not in the habit of posting pictures up. cos i believe that words can do the talking better.

3 days 2 Nights at Orientus Resort was.. in one word. a BLAST.

logistically speaking it was a nightmare, but in every other way, it was like a dream that i did not want to wake up from.

Sarah came over in the morning while i was still rushing to get my stuff sorted out. it included speakers, BBQ stuff, a field pack filled with clothes and swimming stuff. we called a cab ( remember, trans cab is 6555-11-11 its 2.50 only compared to the rest)

drove over to sengkang to meet 3 other smileys standing by the roadside. who happily boarded the taxi and squeezing their bags inside. the ONLY person who probably wasn't smiling was Raphael, who was furiously signalling directions to the taxi driver to turn his car into the side lane and lugging his bags in.

and with Mr Glenn joining us later on, Chelsea, cherly Sarah, Raphael and myself on the bike headed to ORIENTUS RESORT.

headed to our room, and 'unpacked'. 'unpacked' meaning throwing our stuff into our own individual corners of the room and claiming it as 'our territory'

we turned the aircon on and opened the window cos the smell of cigarettes left behind by the previous family was really too strong.

That move was made redundant when half a minute later, me and Raph was busy puffing on one right at the window.

we changed up, went for breakfast at the nearby canteen. yummy food with even yummier prices.

there were a total of 5 chairs at the table soo just nice Chelsea sat on one. and out of fun, i sat next to her, since i knew that Raphael always wants to sit next to her.

and we both had a good laugh while waiting for Raphael to come back, but like all things, he was oblivious to the change and sat down promptly at the corner chair eating his food normally.

interesting behavior.

moving on to the next highlight of day 1, we changed up to sports shoes and begin a funny quest of 'finding firewood' and a 'campfire' spot. but all we ended up doing was climbing into abandoned buildings and 'house breaking' and scaring ourselves silly.

with cherly adding the scare fuel to the fire by introducing the 'arm-less' act. and myself with my new grown Chelsea hair. muahaha.

we proceeded to play some captains ball with guys against girls with Mr Glenn finally coming back from his space exploration trip to mars. which also ended promptly as well due to cherly's over eagerness to catch Glenn. ( i got a feeling she was having ulterior motives. HAHAHA)

of course we showed care. for a while. then i don't know how but we all ended up showing off to the girls by playing soccer and lifting one another up.

until now , i still do not know how does that relate to our idea of 'fun and games' except that it was quite entertaining.

a race back to the resort with Sarah on my back and Chelsea on Raphael's. which almost gave me cardiac arrest .so i decided against going on with my tea-time appointment with God and gave up halfway. good try though:)

we changed up and prepared for the BBQ. met Raphael's mum who is such a interesting lady. my favourite quote from her for the day

Raphael's Mummy: " this boy arh.. UNGRATEFUL! do you know? you know? he blames ME for his size you know?! "

everyone else : " RAPHAEL!!! "

class sic moments. BBQing was fun. cherly so nice to help us BBQ in the 1st half. which i thought wasn't much of a big deal. until it was my turn to sit down there in fucking hell's box seats.

fuck i could have sworn my leg hair almost withered up and died. so while i was suffering hell's door gift. everyone was cam whoring right behind me, which i didn't mind cos i hate cam whoring.

hahahahaha. guys must have the 'mood' and the ' mood ' definitely doesn't come when Ur calves , thighs and some parts of Ur chestnuts are roasting over an open fire.

Glenn had to rush off.. AGAIN. this time was a grave exhumation expedition. the man's plain busy. ha ha

back to the room, changed up and went for our night swim! which is pretty cool since most places really do close their pools by 9pm or so.

jump shots. getting screamed at by a bangala man. who looked more scared than authoritative.

back to the room. resident evil 1 2 and 3. Chelsea knocked out dead.

DAY2

Morning surprises. fingernails and toes in bright pink. who is the wise guy? ha ha hai think i know who.

classic moment

Glenn laughing: ha ha ah ah ah a look at Charles toenails sia!! ahahahahhah!!

cherly: ha ha ha don't worry Charles you are not alone!!!

- Glenn stops laughing in sudden shock and forcefully pulls the blanket off his toes to find... -

Glenn: FUCKKK!!!! FUCKKK!!!!! FUCKKK!!!!

- starts pacing up and down fast while cursing and swearing while the rest laugh their heads off.

scavenger hunt was short lived. but fun while it lasted,

want to know why you girls couldn't find any coconuts? hahahah! that's cos we knew that there was only one place that had the coconuts that u could take, so we reached there 1st, took the 3 we needed and then hid the rest behind the bushes. HAHAHAHAHHHHAH!!

countdown was fun !!! meaningful:) followed by drinking games. poor Sarah, drank and drank until the only thing she remembered the next morning was slapping me real hard and laughing. foes to show how much my girlfriend loves me. hahaha.

i had a few tattoos to show the following morning. courtesy of the dai dee duckies artwork department.

we headed off home to put our stuff down, and LAN LAN perfect ending to a beautiful beginning. 1st left for dead 2. and 1st sesame oil chicken of 2010. followed by late night chats at serangoon sports complex. no doubt u guys had fun:)

Happy 2010 dai dee duckies:)

Cheapo Cheapo!!

2009-12-27T09:48:00.000-08:00

Singaporeans are cheapo. Period.

Our hawker centers have good ventilation, clean eating areas, hygienic food preparation methods and even lighting. They serve food that can be easily passed off as hotel standards ( in some cases )

price wise? Dirt Cheap.

A plate of Chicken Rice now can go for even $1.80 at Ananas Cafe to $3.00 at a regular Kopitiam.

and YET ..........People still complain.

complaining is natural. Humans somehow find a certain sense of relief when they complain about the daily issues that make their lives miserable. but for Singaporeans, they .. 'Compain' (Com-Pain) simply because once they start..... they cannot stop. In a bid to make their simple speech sound more intelligent, they make their complaints extremely painful to listen to.

i swear i can never be a customer service officer .The tooth fairy would be severely bankrupt before the week was over.

moving on, Singaporeans are really cheapo. Go to a pub or a bar and eavesdrop on a bunch of fresh 18 or 19 year olds. you'd get a kick out of the questions they can be asking.

" how big is a mug of beer? "

'is it like this big ( raises hands apart to illustrate ) ? "

"Can you bring one here to show me?"

i was surprised the waiter didn't bring the glass to him, show it to him. then smash it hard over his head. muahahaha.

if you were really bored. ( as in you have nothing else on your bucket list)

you can try the following.

watch how people get annoyed at the different priced drinks @ coffee shops
watch how people swear at being asked to pay to use the toilet
watch how people quarrel with bus drivers

and a whole lot of other things which i am too lazy to write down cos I'm not getting for this anyway, I'm a cheapo. guilty as charged.

A Singaporean Twist

2009-11-26T07:12:00.000-08:00

A Singaporean Twist usually means something realllyyyyy cliche.

hmmmm...my favourite movie scene will have to be from 300. Where the Persian messenger Talks to the king of Sparta ,Leonides, which is played by drop dead gorgeous Gerard butler.

The Persian messenger asks the king for offerings of earth and water.

The king thinks hard and draws his sword at the messenger.

King: Earth and water eh? you'll find plenty of both down there.

Persian Messenger : This is Madness! spartan or Persian, no man threatens a messenger!!

King : you bring the heads of conquered kings to MY city steps. you Threaten my People with slavery and Death. oh, Ive seen the limits of your mercy Persian..

Messenger: This is Blasphemy!! this is Madness!

King turns to look at his wife. Now at this juncture, the king is supposed to shout his head off saying " Madness? .... THIS ...IS ....SPARTAAAA!! " and he kicks the poor guy off into some black hole

BUTTT if i were to add the Singaporean twist

. it'll probably be the king NOT kicking him after he shouts his head off . so it'll go like.

King: THIS ...IS ....SPARTA!!!!

-Awkward silence-

Persian Messenger: eh. you siao arh?. I bloody take horse all the way here , spend money on ERP. Go through customs, come all the bladdyy way here then you shout at me "this is sparta" all.

LIKE I DON"T KNOW? ??!! you never see the friggin sign board s big outside YOoouRR( waves hands sarcastically ) city steps meh? some more written in English, Chinese , and Malay and Tamil"

-King with stunned look still has sword pointed at the messenger -

Persian Messenger : ' if you want to scare me all, try shouting something more scary lah. wah piang. like shouting a name of a location is going to make me scared all. that's like me shouting THIS ...IS ... B--BUKITTTT BATOKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" you tell me lah! you scared not? no right? how to be king like that?"

-King withdraws his sword. -

King: Erm.. well.. I'm sorry Persian. Please accept a humble king's sincerest of .....BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ( Spartan king jumps up with legs apart and hands on his face in a scary pose )

Persian Messenger: (with eyes rolled ) That like so didn't work

And this is Singapore's true authentic idea of comedy.

Sushi Rice Bowl.

2009-11-24T19:24:00.000-08:00

Sakae Sushi!

People always worry about this very important term. It usually determines if your family has enough food to eat. its called an "Iron Rice Bowl"

screw that. let me introduce you to Charlzee's Term "Sushi Rice Bowl" from Sakae Sushi.

as you've read in most of my previous sakae sushi entrees, you'd find out that basically im a serious sucker for jappo food. esp the rice. which always has this sticky, soft yet fluffy feeling.

usually, Since i was a younggg boy. i would only go to sakae sushi for the student buffets since it was worth it and all. But on this fateful night, i wanted to try for myself their other ala carte items.

Such as the Bento set. it was so great. i felt like a mouth watering brain dead zombie just looking @ the menu.

Thank you sakae sushi for giving me this great opportunity to fulfil all my sushi and bento madness! maybe one day there'll be a sakae sushi shrine just for super stylo milo sushi replicas. or SOMETHING. hahah!

omg i think im hungry! ciao all!

Guys, handle your little brother with care.

2009-11-16T19:24:00.001-08:00

for the ladies, Have you ever had the opportunity to be in an all-girl's school? say.. CHIJ or whatever. for guys, Keep dreaming.

Ive got 4 sisters and all of them went to CHIJ in various places and from what i know, the girls do not really you know.. sit properly and stuff. since its an all girl's school, the philosophy is pretty much,

'what i have what you have' sooo there begins the endless streams of upskirts, zao gengs etc.

some girls, who aren't so... well. straight. enjoy it very very very much.

But what about the guys?

even if you were gay. it would be enough to give you cardiac arrest to accidentally catch your male classmate's genitals in motion. Even if its in the toilet.

which brings me to today's topic. " Guys, handle your little brother with care"

Being in NS (which is going to end soon Thank God)

Ive witness guys who really MISHANDLE their brother. for example, the correct procedure that one should undertake when peeing.

Step 1: Unzip pants

Step 2: pull out penis

step 3: relax (just RELAX!! no need to look left and right b4 you pee. )

Step 4: Pee!!

Step 5: shake GENTLY

Step 6: Final shake ( can be a little rougher )

Step 7: gentle place penis back within underwear boundaries

Step 8: Zip pants slowly

Step 9: flush and WASH HANDS

step 10: Don't make eye contact with any other "Pee'ers"

but for SOME guys. they miss out steps. they SKIP it. which usually carries disastrous results which include.

1) Zipping your dick by accident

2) Wetting your underwear (which leaves a nasty smell )

3*) whacking your dick on the cold concrete urinal. (which doesn't hurt you but hurts him/it )

* For 'big guys' or height impaired guys only.

4) getting cold stares from other pee'ers should you look at them while peeing. REMEMBER.

Disclaimer: Guys DO NOT like others staring at them while they pee. IF you stare down they're little brother. they'll flush yours. or in worse case scenarios, stare back at yours. which could be comparably smaller size wise.

Other methods of mishandling include

1) Vicious scratching of the balls in public ( which happens in buses or trains when they think no one's looking. )

2) 'adjusting' of the underwear. which also means scratching of the balls but often used as an excuse.

3) leaning your dick on railings in shopping centers.

4) wearing very tight underwear and suffocating your alter ego to death.

5) NOT wearing underwear ( for whatever reasons ) and end up making your Dicky feel very very uncomfortable. esp if you are wearing jeans or office pants.

If you are showering, and need to soap that rubber-duck-duck. do it GENTLY. You are washing a penis. not disinfecting gas masks.

Also if you ride a motorcycle. PLEASE stop braking so hard. you're smashing the life force out of your little brother.

For now gentlemen, that's about it:)

Shhh.... Don't tell your friends. watch them and laugh

Untitled.

2009-11-08T08:56:00.000-08:00

Any Big fans of how to murder your siblings and get away with it?

its 1 in the morning and i heard the television come on. My righteous, fat smart alec sister who is never wrong about anything and considers herself an expert in every department known to mankind. oh did i mention? who also occasionally puts anything and everything down just to make herself feel good.

very guy like?

I need a break anyway so i take out my guitar and play it for about 10 minutes. i put it back after that ten little wee minutes and carried on with my work only to find the television blasting. wtf.

so i go outside and ask her real nicely to turn the volume down only to get told off in a real nasty manner about my guitar. i curse and swear as she lowers the volume and only increases it once im in my room.

fuck my studying man. im playing 'keep you much longer' by akon loud enough for me not to hear crap from outside. maybe this is why im such an angry person @ night when im asleep. bloody hell, They will be the reason one day when i go on a crazed frenzy and start stabbing all my family members to death ( Less my Mummy cos she's my favourite. )

the rest of them, FUCK YOU!!!

what an angsty little entree right? well, every one's entitled to them once in awhile, besides no one comes here these days cos I'm too damn lazy to update. maybe after my exams are up.

stay tuned for my next entree,

Guys, handle your little brothers with care.

BackSeat Action.

2009-10-29T20:45:00.001-07:00

"Children at the back of the car can cause accidents, accidents at the back of the car can cause children. "

I heard this all to familar quote once on the radio. can't recall when or where. Movies and media have a knack for protraying the backseat of our all too favourtie family sedans into hot steamy make shift back-drops for sexual scenes.

to those young and not-so-young people. you know the naughty things you've done. ha ha ha ha. this is a relatively short entree. just some food for thought,

how many cars have you sat in with a 'history'.

Sake sushi Madness.

2009-10-27T11:45:00.000-07:00

I swear, this HAD to be one of the most interesting sake sushi lunching with sarah ever.

usually, we take nice pictures, but in todays case, all the pictures we took just had food as the main focus. WHY? because we were so damn hungry! and the food smelt so great, it was like

" eh sarah, camera camera!'

'narh! here here'

-Snap-

' ok makan'

anyway , sarah being sarah, she didn't finish her katsu don, so i took the liberty of being a fat ass and finished it for her.

The chicken, in one word ..." Amazing" .

check it out!

it was big and juicy and well done. not like those cheapo ones you get at kopithiams with chicken meat that looks like it fell off's the chicken's penis.

Best part is, it only cost $9.95 or something,it was affordable and hell tasted good. but im a really japo food freak. love all kinds of japo food.

Luckily i wasn't born during the japanese occupation i tell you. if they wanted to make me betray my country and find out im a sucker for their food, i'd have sold the country's secrets for a unagi sushi. haha

so i decided to go for something a little more expensive, if i recall it was about 13 or 15 dollars, some terikai and salmon bento set. shit it looked good on the menu but even better in real life once again , let the pictures do the talking

Super Duper like can get a hunger satisfaction orgasm i tell you. it comes with rice, chawanmushi and miso soup. its 3am in the morning now and im getting hungry by the SECOND. so dear friends,

head down to sake sushi and satisfy all the sushi love.

Whats Wrong with Singapore??

2009-10-07T09:52:00.000-07:00

" Whats Wrong with Singapore?
Losing always makes me feel so sore.
Cos if you're not the best,
then you're just one of the rest
my oh my Singapore
what exactly are we voting for
whats not expressly permitted
is prohibited!! "

- Singapore Complaints Choir

I don't think this entree has anything to do with the above chorus. but go check it out on youtube anyway. its worth wasting 10.25 minutes of your short life.

I was in Downtown east this evening and i happened to the be first to walk into the lift with Sarah, i was about the press the close button when a group of people wanted to come in, so naturally, i pressed the "open" button.

But those dimwits STROLLED in really slowly. can't stand it right? they just stroll in slowly, talk among themselves.talk so loudly just barge right in, Behind them still got some more people taking their own sweet time.

Talk so much cock but in the end the moment the lift door close. All become mice.

funny right singaporeans?

Some singaporeans, HATE sharing lifts. for whatever reason i don't know. The other day i just got off my bike and was keeping my helmet in the box, when i noticed a family walking in a very peculiar manner.

They stopped right outside the lift, let a middle aged man walk in, then pretended to answer his phone while asking his kids to wait. The moment the lift doors closed, the phone call also magically ended without goodbyes or whatsoever.

funny right Singaporeans?

and when you are in the life. The rule of the thumb is never step out of the lift. cos if you do, the lift doors will shut you out for life. NO! it won't. so move your lazy ass out and let the other orally disabled people who don't know how to say "excuse me" out for good then get your good-for-nothing ass back inside.

Some Singaporeans also have a habit of talking really loudly on their cellphones in the lift. Big business deals. sweet talk. im like HELLO?? we can't pretend we are not eavesdropping when you're screaming out your cellphone activities to a group of strangers in a metal box right? its also damn funny when you realize that usually in lifts, there are no reception. makes you ponder what a jackass that guy could be.

Singaporeans. HYPMH

The Dangers of Truth or Dare.

2009-09-27T19:14:00.000-07:00

" Come on (insert sweet name here - like ...) .. truth? ? .. or DARE?"

[ i spent a good 2 minutes of my time just thinking of a name! can you believe it? which i can't! cos every other name reminds me of someone and its not nice ! ha ah ]

Truth or dare is a party game that requires a minimum of 2 or more players.

A player gets to pick " truth " where he/she is posed an embarrassing and personal question where he/she will be required to tell the truth.

OR

a player picks " Dare " and is dared to perform a task which is equally embarrassing.

game play ranges from spinning the bottle. to guessing numbers and a few others, depending on individual group's " creativity " Some may prefer the round-robin method which means that no matter what happens. you sure as hell are going to " kena "

Now allow me to warn you ladies and gentlemen. When you guys are parents next time. and your kid ( ESPECIALLY your daughter) tells you that she played truth or dare because she didn't know what it was and stuff.

-Don't. Believe . a . Word.

bull shit. every single teen in the world knows what he/she is getting into when they say the word " sure " All masked behind that charade of

"spontaneity" and "open-ness"

In the end. they do silly things which they might regret for life.

but hey! ! who am i to complain man?? I'm a guy! I LOVE these kinda things. its FUN!

and it really is! Provided you know the friends you are playing with, their limits and their intentions. whether sexual or not.

I mean, if you guys are a bunch of close knitted friends who are all single. ( let me emphasis on the word SINGLE ) Guys- don't dig your own graves. And you all just want to hang loose and have some fun! be my guest.

of course, if your friend's are one of those holey holey, tree hugging, Zero-percentile pornography kind. then I'm afraid you'd have to be contended with having dares like,

" erm.. i don't know!! sing a children's song okay?? "

kinda thing. Lets face it, you know, i know it. Truth or Dare is meant to be a Sexual game. BEFORE I MET SARAH, as in dated Sarah, ive had some pretty 'fun' ones too. ha ha so i KNOW!

someone dared this girl. whom im hell as hell not mentioning. But if you guys know her please don't ask cos she'd get embarrassed.

anyway, she got dared to sit on my lap ( hey it was a big deal in secondary 2 okay!! ) and then move about seductively for 15 seconds.

and i tell you, she scared the living daylights out of me cos she really could move man. ( she was a dancer ) and too bad. Little Charlzee started to rouse from his sleep and i had to push her off and excuse myself.

me and her are still kickass friends to this very day.

And one of the most embarrassing truth questions Ive received went something like

" tell us your Fetish "

if you don't know what fetish is, google it.

ha ha. But of course I'm not going to write out the answer here. so YOU WISH! lol

if a guy sleeps around with girls. He's a stud. but if a girl does that, she's a slut. I don't know why, but it makes a little sense. ( a little arh! ) and if a girl admits during her "truth " turn, or suggests in any way that she is sexually active.

BOOM!!

Guys don't picture that sweet friend anymore. TRUST ME. Its more like, you're some spanking hot ,pole dancing, blow jobbing, naked, sexy, whore.

Gone was that sweet taylor swift kinda girl with FBT'S and some saint nicks T shirt. And Welcome Pixie Lot. hahaha

Ive read/Heard somewhere in camp, that guys dare girls during chalets to perform oral sex ( aiyah blow job say blow job larh!! ) haha sorry. to give blowjobs like under the blanket.

which stupid girls obviously do. Most blame it on the alcohol the next morning.

all in all.

If you are attached, no matter how fucked up it sounds, if asked to play truth or dare. Be the lady/ Gentlemen and politely refuse if you're attached. Or just simply don't get caught.

Singapore- Your Holiday Destination

2009-09-24T23:09:00.000-07:00

Singapore oh Singapore,
Whats the best place to beat the heat.
if you can't beat them, join them
soccer player's smelly feet.

From Jalan Kayu to bedok market. Singapore is a known place for all its .......

what??

i can't hear you!!!

thats right!! its our FOOD!!! ( which is partially the reason why i am an overweight and resemble a pregnant wild boar every morning when i check myself out in the mirror. )

Accommodation wise, unless you have a cool ass friend to let you stay in their cribs. ( or coffins ) you gotta take a look at all the kickass hotels we have. However reader beware, you're in for a scare! ( in terms of prices )

for the more cheapo guys, you can try out hotel 81, fragrance hotel or hostels. bring a female companion along too for additional fun:)

so if you ask me what i love about this FINEE country. im gonna just shut up

take a walk around like.. anywhere and you'll find your answer there. listed in the famous book " 1001 things to see before you die" Singapore's Hawker Centers are listed in them. which is really amazing.

so lets just say.. barrak obama decides to come visit Singapore. People would show him say.. i don't know, the Fullerton? maybe take him around by a really expensive car and drive along ECP-AYE and check out the flyover.

but me? ho ho ho.this is where i would take barrak Obama and show him The Trueee side of SINGAPORE

Because in Singaporee.. Singapore.. The Hearts are big and wide you'd find..

the day shall begin at 0800 hours-

Pick President Obama from Changi Air port.

he would ask,

" hmmm , Where is the car son? "

I would say,

" Mr President Sir, "

He would ask

"yes?"

and I would say,

" The parade is formed up and ready for your inspection Sir! "

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. what a joke.

nah im just playing with your balls there. i would Take him on a MRT train ride.

and on the train ride, he would sit on the "priority seats"

" ermm excuse me sir, but those seats are reserved"

" oh . I'm terribly sorry son. For whom are they reserved for? "

"Sir, they are reserved for the elderly, the pregnant and the young ones"

"I'm young. do i count? "

" no sir, you do not count. Unless...."

"unless? "

"unless you're asleep. "

~ Snoreeeee ~

" Sir? .... -sir? "

hahahahahaha! made another funny. im finding it increasingly hard to blog based on the above title because i sound so horrible! i want to win the damn tickets but hahaha i feel as though im lying if i write all the nice stuff and jazz.

so anyway let me carry on.

after President Obama's Sleepy Train ride, we shall take the green line to Pasir Ris MRT and take a bus to Downtown east.

At the Pasir Ris MRT station he would ask,

" ew Whats That SMELL? "

" What smell? "

"yuck. that sweaty smell of grime and dirt .. Is it coming from that bunch of foreign workers there? "

" ohh. no mr president. it isn't i believe that smell is coming from our poor national service men. "

" national service men? you mean in your country, they FORCE you to serve the army? "

" im afraid so sir. because our country is too damn small. so every Singaporean son is required to serve 2 years of his time in the army. "

" Son, that is very very sad"

so they end up taking a bus. in pure solemn silence.

" Son, why is this place called downtown east? "

"Sir because its downtown. "

" and..? "

" and BECAUSE WE'RE IN THE EAST YOU DUMMMY!"

"Oh right. slipped my mind there son. "

So .. we carry on to downtown east and he pays for tickets for us both into escape theme park.

" Son the rides are boring. We have Disney Land over in the US but here's like what the kids there do only when they're super bored or have no time"

" mr president, allow me to take you on Singapore's signature attraction. The Haunted House... ooooo"

" Save it Son. "

Mr Barrak Obama and i go into the haunted house, where he isn't scared of anything and yawns at every single scare. Until the end when he exits. Because of the media hype, alot of Singapore Ministers decide to visit escape theme park just to rub shoulders.

Mr Lee Kwan Yew: Hello Mr President Sir, i wanted to say, in 10 years time, Singapore will be a metropolis. and you will see..

Obama: ARGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!ARHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! LEEEPREEECHAUN!!!!!!!!!!! HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! - covers head and runs ass off

so after spending the whole day there. we would head to pasir ris park in the evening. Where we would have a BBQ and enjoy the breeze. Couples Cycling. Waves crashing. and the 200 dollar fine if we didn't clean up the mess we made.

and in the night, i'd take him to jalan kayu. just to experience what horrible service but good food feels like.

all in all. i feel that Singapore is just not a place you take your friends to just to see the cool stuff. Thats like showing off your Breasts to some guy and expect him to marry you . its different.

its about loving the fucked up things in your country. and the ugly truth about Singapore is, Its fucking fucking fucked up. and i love it.

Indulge in the Uniquely Singapore experience

Krrunch ( part 1)

2009-09-22T07:53:00.000-07:00

"OOW(officer of the watch) sir. This is Private Charles of Port side Lookout Sir. "

~ Static ~

"Send."

~more static~

"OOW Sir. Port side lookout wishes to report a suspicious looking vessel heading Northwest with bearings at approximately green 4 5 ,10 nautical miles away It Appears to be a small merchant craft that is moving in a peculiar manner with fluctuating speeds ranging from 5 to 20 knots. "

~ Static ~

"Standby Private Charles, The captain would like to speak with you"

- Hand phone Rings

"hello? "

" HELLO PRIVATE CHARLES! THIS IS THE CAPTAIN SPEAKING."

"Sir?"

"SIR WHAT SIR?! OF COURSE ITS ME LA! WHAT BLADDYY SHIP YOU SEE?"

" err sir. it appears a little too far to be be visible but it looks almighty suspicious"

" EH PRIVATE CHARLES. YOU BETTER f***ING BE SURE YOU KNOW"

"sir i cannot be sure!"

" BECAUSE ARH PRIVATE CHARLES. THE STARBOARD SIDE HAS BEEN VERY QUIET.NOTHING FROM THEM AT ALL.. WHILE YOU!!! ( sounds of pages flipping )... ON THE OTHER HAND. HAVE BEEN REPORTING EVERY SINGLE LITTLE GODDAMN THING THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE SAFETY AND SECURITY OF THIS SHIP!"

"Sir.. I'm afraid i don't understand.."

"YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND?!... YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND?!? (pages flip faster) "

"n-no sir.. I'm afraid not"

"WELL.. THEN LET ME UPDATE YOUR AUTISTIC MIND OKAY!! OVER THE LAST 3 DAYS, DURING YOUR DUTIES AS A PORT SIDE LOOKOUT, YOU HAVE REPORTED THE FOLLOWING,

ON THE 1ST DAY, YOU REPORTED .. A SLIVER SHINY ARTIFACT THAT RESEMBLES A BOMB IS ABOUT TO MAKE IMPACT WITH OUR PROPELLERS. YOU CAUSED WIDESPREAD PANIC IN THE SHIP.

AFTER INVESTIGATING. WE DISCOVERED, IT WAS A CAN OF COKE.

ON THE 2ND DAY, YOU REPORTED "FUNNY NOISES" , THE FUNNY NOISES CAME FROM YOUR WALKIE TALKIE WHICH ONLY AN IDIOT LIKE YOU CAN FORGET TO CHARGE WHEN THE "LOW BATTERY" LIGHT AND WARNING BEEPS ARE ON

AND ON THE 3RD DAY, YOU REPORTED A MERMAID SIGHTING! YOUR "MERMAID" TURNED OUT TO BE A F***ING TRASH BAG. WHICH YOU!! THREW ACCIDENTALLY OVERBOARD WHILE CARRYING OVER YOUR SHOULDERS!

"s-s-ir. allow me to ex-"

"EX WHAT!? SHUT UP WHEN I'M TALKING PRIVATE!!

SO I WAS SAYING.. IF YOU ARE GONNA TELL ME. THAT THAT FARKING VESSEL APPEARS TO BE A (mocking tone) "PiiRATEeee ShippPP" i suggest you take your mer-ass downstairs and do what you do best"

"which is.. sir? "

"NOTHING! NOTHING!! DON'T DO A GODDAMN THING YOU HEAR ME! NOTHING!"

"Yes sir."

~ Click ~

30 Minutes later..

" OOW Sir, This is Private Charles again"

" Send"

" Sir i have made visual contact with the suspicious ship sir"

~ Static ~

"(Yawnn...) and?"

" It doesn't look good sir. "

"Private, should i call the captain again? i want to you know, but I'm afraid he's taking medicated for his high blood pressure and should he pass on i would definitely want the sole blame to be on you."

"No sir! that would be most.. unfavourable..."

"Then?? Private, check their Flags. Maybe they need help or something you know?. "

"Sir, i am very sure they don't need help"

" Private, don't tell me what to do. Go to their aid at once!"

"Sir, ( pause) i respectfully decline"

" are... you ...out of your F-***.. ING mind?!?!"

"Sir... i am telling you! they DO NOT need HELP!!!

"

" and WHY IS THAT SO!?!?!"

"Trust me Sir... Trust me. "

15 Minutes later after the captain decides to ignore Private Charles's Distress calls. 3 pirates board the ship and hold the entire crew hostage. Sprouting tattoos and piercings, they look like quite a fearsome sight.

The Leader of the 3 pirates stood in the center. with a black eye patch over his eye.

"Ayeee. all you filthy sea rats squat down over here while i find me buried treasure aye!"

the other 2 crackle and menacingly say

"Ayeee.."

"Not you both ! you Morons! ! THEM!"

The Captain: "Ayeee" (circles finger in the air sarcastically.)

"ohh. ya think yer a tough guy eh sea rat? "

" well. yes Captain jacko sparrow i think i am. Your last century tactics do not scare me a little bit. eye patches?! PLEASE. haven't you heard of lasik surgery before?? speaking of lasik ive got a brochure here for a really good doctor, he's really cheap and he does.."

" keep your sea snout shut!! i didn't ask yer for ur damn opinion. "

~silence~

" My deepest apologies but it seems that i forgotton to introduce myself. . My name is.. Chee .you cann call me.. Chee. or if ya don't feel up to it, you can also call me.. Chee."

" well, good BYE Chee"

~ tied up crew sniggers

the other pirate steps forward and snorts

" (sneezes and rubs nose) im.. HAA CHO!!! .. Cheong."

and the one of Chee's right says. " Im Fan " you can call me Krunchh!, or you can call me Krrunch."

Private Charles noticed the captain rolling his eyes.

Pirate Chee: Well boys, we have come heree for one thing and one thing only. where is it? YOU! (points at the captain) where is it?!

" where is WHAT?"

" Don't play games with me boy, or you are going to WALK THE PLANK"

" i have no idea what are you talking about mate!"

" Where is the PRINGLES? "

" you came all the way here? just for the krrunch pringles? "

"YES. gar!!! for Krrunch! "

" Here take it"

The Captain Passes the pringles over to Pirate Chee and he opens the pringles and pops one in his mouth. immediately a dark cloud looms over the eastern sea sky. His brother cheong takes another one and the seas start to become rough, his other brother fan pops one as well and the winds start going strong.

~ Ring Ring~

crew is astonished.

~ Ring Ring !!~

" gar! me hand phone is ringing. shit. can't take it out with this hook on my hand. . crap. "

~Ring Ring!! ~

" GARRR!! i STILL CAN"T! "

~ Ring Ring!! ~

" Wait arH!! I'm coming back to you!!"

~ Ring Ring!! ~

" MOTHER FUC***!!!!" -click

"crap. its on loudspeaker"

"CHEE !!WHERE ARE YOU!!"

" WHOOO IS THIS?! I DON'T HAVE CALLER ID YER KNOW! "

"THIS IS YOUR MOTHER YOU JACK ASS !! AND DID YOU JUST CALL ME A MOTHERFUC***!??!?!?!"

"M-Mom??"

" YES YOU FARKING INGRATE! WHO DID YOU THINK IT WAS?!?!

. CHEE CHEONG FAN!!!!!!!!!!! ! WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU USELESS LAY BOUTS!??!!!!!!!! ARE YOU OUT PIRATING ALREADY? I ALREADY TOLD YOU TO STOP WORKING IN THAT LINE OF WORK RIGHT!?!?

HUH!? IF YOU WANT TO PIRATE ALSO MUST DO PROPERLY RIGHT?! HUH! NO GUNS! ONLY GOT THAT STUPID AIRBRUSH TATTOO ! AT HOME NEVER OFF LIGHTS, NEVER OFF HEATER. ELECTRICITY BILLS ARE GOING UP UP UP. TEETH NEVER BRUSH PROPERLY. ASK YOU TO CHANGE THE SOAP UNTIL NOW STILL USING BAR SOAP. NOW THEY HAVE DETTOL IN NTUC OKAY!! COMPUTER ALSO NEVER SHUT DOWN PROPERLY . WORLD OF WARCRAFT DISC ANYHOW LEAVE. CLOTHES ALL OVER THE PLACE. NEVER REFILL THE ICE. NEWSPAPER NEVER GIVE TO KARUNG GUNI MAN YOU SEE YOU SEE?!

LIKE THAT , HOW TO BECOME PIRATE!!!!!

"mom!!!!!!! im working lar!!"

" YOU THINK I DONT KNOW WHAT YOU ARE UP OKAY!? I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE DOING THERE OKAY! YOU GIVE THAT NAVAL SHIP BACK THEIR PRINGLES YOU HOPELESS BOY. DON'T MAKE ME GO THERE AND WHACK THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS OUT OF YOU"

" B-but mumm!!!"

" NO BUTS !! DO IT ! DO IT NOW! OR I TELL YOU I'M GOING TO SWIM THERE AND KICK YOUR FARKING ASS."

~ click ~

Pirate Chee walks over to The captain and passes him the ship's most prized possession. The pringles.

"im sorry...cough .. but my mummy doesn't allow me to pway anymore. "

Pirate chee choked with tears in his eyes. With that, he and his bumbling crew untied the men and left.

Down below in the ship's Ops room, where he was ordered to stay and do absolutely nothing. Private Charles Sits in the officer's Big bulky Chair and clicks off the ships mobile phone.

He coughs and clears his throat. and in a high pitch voice enough to resemble a certain pirate's mother

" Its Krrunch Time, get playful!! "

Boring You to Bore Me

2009-09-19T10:28:00.000-07:00

What an extremely boring week.

It was so boring, chewing repeatedly on my fingernails would be a remarkable enough thing to stand in awe at.

I was sitting in the Ops room the other day. Doing my job. yup, just doing my job over and over again. Which pretty much included NOTHING. and NOTHING and even more NOTHING'ness

It reeked so much of boredom that my mind started playing little war games with itself. daydreaming if you'd call it. Little stick figures battling it out on the dance floor. etc etc

I was half praying that my mobile phone would ring so i could just..

" hello? "

and with a stern face I'd say, " I'll be right there"

my office people would look up at me with questioning glares

and i would just rip my Navy No3 Uniform shirt out to reveal...

Superman!!

hahahahaha!

Oh well. It would be quite a sight. He is quite hot don't you think? shit i wish i look like him, all the girls would be ready to die just to jump into bed with me. ha ha ha. and since I'm rock solid ( bullets can't pierce even my eyes) i think I'd know the MAGIC i can do . Muahahaha ( M18 content)

If you do get away with it (you don't get charged for insubordination) Its either probably because you are already halfway across the country to rescue that helpless pussy stuck in a tree or you are en route to get court martial'ed for the public display of your red underwear.

Just make sure you don't end up like this guy. Not only would you get charged. You'd also be the core reason why the navy's 300 or more admin staff are suffering from compulsive brain disorders with side effects ranging from dementia to total absolute blindness .

Another Superhero that you can try changing into that will sure to scare the crap outta anyone. If you do manage (i don't know how) to convince your camp commanders you are him, they're sure to crap in their pants

wah... This Guys is even better than Superman. He's Strong, powerful and very mighty. He has an Iron fist and is known to have such a sharp tongue he practically cuts better that superman's laser eyes.

I think most of you know him but no names here. My number 1 man

His alter egos are : Old man Lee, LKY , Iron man (classified ) (classified) i don't want to get into trouble here ( scared fuck writing this i tell you )

But he's Kinda on the old school side, the younger guys don't really know what he's capable of. But its okay, His Son will carry on the legend. LOL
so next time instead of Xmen-Legends , we'll have the Leeman Legends.

Outta sight!

What Did Sushi A Say to Sushi B?

2009-09-17T10:19:00.000-07:00

I heard this really cheesy joke from a friend which i seriously cannot remember who (how convenient Charles- Sarah would say ) but i remember it was in a Car.

"What did sushi A say to sushi B? "

i thought long and hard and i only could come out with some retarded answers like

" Sashimi? "

" Teriyaki? "

" is that seaweed you're wearing?"

anyway the answer -cringe- was

" Whats up B!" (Wasabi)

Moving on, Sarah and i were in Havelock Road the other day and had sudden deep cravings for sushi. Somewhere with a relaxed ambience, good service and value for money.

so we chanced upon a sake sushi outlet there. We were shown to our seats and the waiter patiently explained to us the "rules and regulations" of the teatime buffet. It was great because he spoke to us in proper English.

Thank God he did because if he tried pulling one of those cheenah talk with me , I'd have him wrapped in seaweed and put on the conveyor belt. maybe put one of those plastic lids on him as well. and... if he doesn't stop screaming, you can threaten him with the wasabi sauce that goes around as well. shove it up his nose

in the past when we used to eat there, whatever that was not found on the conveyor belt but available for the buffet, we had to order through the waiter/tress, who so poor thing, have to clear plates,wash plates,run up collect order, send order, collect money, welcome people, pretend to be happy. smile a lot and in the end we as Singaporeans are not in the habit of saying a simple " Thank you" SINCERELY!

but now, its so cool, whatever we want that's not on the conveyor belt, we just have to click on the computer. which includes the full menu with pictures and it gets sent to the kitchen which in a matter of minutes, gets sent to our table by another kind waiter.

The food was fresh and yummy. If you've got the opportunity try to go to the outlets that have tempanyaki. Cos that one can rock my socks i tell you. it was damn good but pity only selected outlets have it, so make sure you check out which outlets do before heading down.

another cool Ass thing is the mouse. It was so cute i was EXTREMELY tempted to bring it home with me. SOoo CUTE!! i felt so bad clicking it every time cos it was like i was poking into the poor froggy's eyes.

on top of that, we were given 2 complimentary red plates, 2 bowls of udon noodles and some kickass desert called strawberry smiles or something. I had the time of my life eating there and you should really go down and give it a try sometime soon. I

all in all. Its the perfect place to go after work or school and just chill with your buddies and eat till your heart's content.

they've got about 30 outlets island wide, so no matter what, we can't run away from them! :)

The Ugly Truth

2009-09-08T12:01:00.000-07:00

I can't insert a poster of the movie " The Ugly Truth" here because blogger has issues with me.

soo for or those of you who INSIST on seeing the picture. Google it. And for those of you who have the intellect of a retarded glove puppet you may attempt to type in the following address on your Internet toolbar

http://www.google.com/ .Enter " The Ugly Truth" , Its probably the first link there.

( Above text written with a giant-ass smile)

=)
There you go

The Ugly Truth
The battle of the sexes heats up in Columbia Pictures comedy The Ugly Truth. Abby Richter (Katherine Heigl) is a romantically challenged morning show producer whose search for Mr. Perfect has left her hopelessly single. She's in for a rude awakening when her bosses team her with Mike Chadway (Gerard Butler), a hardcore TV personality who promises to spill the ugly truth on what makes men and women tick.

Being with Sarah for the past 4 years and a month, i pretty much haven't had the opportunity to really go out on dates (with other girls ) . so if you were to ask me what i think would be the biggest turn off during a date, i would be involuntarily forced to give you an extremely life threatening (for me) answer. wouldn't i?

But for me personally. I think that the biggest turn off during a date would have to be going out with a girl(most definitely), watch her order the most expensive item on the menu( and not offer to pay or split the bill later on) and have horrible table manners which may include,

1) picking her nose
2) burping
3) farting
4) gobbling her food
5) picking her teeth
6) playing with her forks and spoons
7) Cam Whoring with herself
8) *SMS'ing!!!!
9) *Talking on the phone
10)Exposing her ass crack (for slutty dressers)

Allow me to recall a certain evening, which occurred pretty much some time back ( Thank God).

(mind floats away.. )

i Can't remember the location (Thank God once again) and hell as hell I'm not mentioning the lady. If i did, both she and Sarah wouldn't be around anymore tomorrow.

but my personal favourites are number 8 and 9. she reminds me so much of one of my dear friends. *hint hint who recently took ownership of a blackberry handphone. ha ha ha

This girl was crazy, every 5 minutes right smack in the middle of our conversation. her phone would ring. And she would answer it. And she would talk. not just talk like talk. but GOSSIP! (like omg! ) at least she had the decency to apologise and asked to be excused. But it happened over and over and over again.

if she wasn't talking, she was replying her sms'es. Thereafter each reply, the "new" subject of conversation would be about her previous SMS. which normally would bore me so much I'd wish i were dead. Somehow i had silently and very maliciously prayed that i could shove the hand phone into her throat and enjoy the rest of my very expensive meal in silent peace. Either that or i must be boring as hell

Its interesting to know the ugly truth about men and women. How they think. The sex appeal. The laws of attraction. The can't live with or without them attitude. Even the constant addiction for severe violence at times. The Ugly truth sheds light in a very comedic way. i haven't seen it yet but i certainly hope i can.

I'm not a hopeless romantic but i enjoy humour in all aspects. And this show looks like its the kind you can bring your girlfriend to. You can laugh at all the funny parts. And she can cry at all the romantic parts.

Wait no more! - Be a fan at the official Facebook page and catch The Ugly Truth when it opens in the cinemas on the 17th September 09!

Weight Loss Plan.

2009-09-06T20:08:00.000-07:00

Charlzee has lost weighttt! yay! 2 Kg ! moreee moreee!!!

Pride and Prejudice

2009-09-05T20:00:00.000-07:00

Its a Known Fact boys and girls.

Our pride makes us all do silly things. Which can come in all forms, shapes and sizes. It can range from even the silliest of things like not sharing a ballpoint pen just cause its "mine", not being able to say a simple "sorry" and mean it , right down to pulling some dangerous stunt like swerving right in front of some young punk ass driver and braking hard just to "show him who's boss" ,

Which can be potentially life threatening in case that sonofabitch decides at the eleventh hour not to jam his brakes and sends you on a escape theme park roller coaster ride into very very hard tar.

So what happens when you let that pride take control over your daily actions? do you have a pride problem? Ive complied a list of questions that you can ask yourself if you have a serious pride problem.

do you ...

1) Feel upset when your friends performs better than you in a certain aspect?

2) Constantly find excuses to explain for your rash behavior/ decisions?

3) Feel a need to be superior and want to make decisions for your peers?

4) Have a tendency to show off when there are people who matter present at the scene?

5) Have a one track mindset and everyone who doesn't have the same/similar one, are or could be wrong

6) Find a certain pleasure in putting other people down by making remarks or having cruel intentions ?

If you have either answered "yes" to more than 3 of them. or you have answered "No" to all of them. You may just be a very horrible egomaniac, and you probably won't be my friend at all simply because i don't hang out with people who have broken noses.

I'm not saying that I'm not guilty of having all all that pride and ego myself. Who isn't? What I'm getting at is, Pride and ego can be potentially dangerous if you let it get to you and your lifestyle.

Ive done, and said horrible things of late to people that i love greatly. and i still live in regret right down to this very second. Simply because of pride. But the difference between me and the rest of the other losers out there, is that i am willing to make that change for the better.

so the next time you decide you're gonna wait till your friend says sorry first. Do a Nike. Just do it! . say you're Goddamn sorry first if you really treasure your friendship. It doesn't matter who's wrong or right!

Next time you wanna open your mouth to say something that will probably make you feel better but make someone else feel real shitty. Do a Simple Plan, just shut up shut up shut up!.

And next time you want to "open your throttle" , Think of the person sitting behind you. Its probably someone you love a lot. Think of the fathers and mothers who are driving safely home after a long hard day to their families. And Think hard if you want to risk that all for your own selfish moment of thrill. you may escape death once, but never always. And he may not necessarily come to you.

Cheers to one all and happy September Holidays to all you young school kids!

Nerry Vin Larry

2009-09-03T07:21:00.000-07:00

What an interesting combination of names,

Nerry Vin larry. Sounds pretty much like a Loch Ness Monster of some sort eh? lol

To The others who nominated and very violently objected to being mentioned here. Thank You:)

Nerissa.

Nerissa is my God sister everyone. Not only is she so sweet to me at times, she really does take care of my well being. namely when i run out of cigarettes, or someone to make sick jokes with.

i don't say we share a fantastic relationship. But I'm sure we have a lasting one. ( as long as I'm not a cheebye ) We've been friends for so long and she has a special little place in my heart because of her kind and gullible nature.

she can drive me up the wall sometimes, but if she wasn't like that. trust me.

she wouldn't be the Nerissa we all love. don't we?

Vincent

Vincent, Vincent.

He's sharped tongued ( which is more often good than bad). He's straightforward. ( as straight as a ruler can get ) And he's such a sweet little boy.

sometimes, you want to do something like slap his face but you'd be afraid you'd have to bend over too low and hurt your own back. He ends up pulling some sweet stunt like saying something really nice and... sincere.

I'm sure under all that tough guy'ness is a real nice guy. which is why he snagged himself a hell of a pretty girlfriend. Ride on super 4!

Larissa

Larissa is hyper active. And she's always there for me when i need someone to talk to over sms or msn. the world is fantastic with technology these days but she's one of the few whom i feel can connect to, even through technology.

her bright cheerfulness just bursts through the screen/phone and beams little happiness rays to me and the people she talks to. Larissa is a great girl and the privilege's mine to being her friend

cheerios one and all, keep the nominations coming!

Shout And Wave!

2009-08-27T22:43:00.000-07:00

I'm back! with a Vengeance! muahaha.

nah, I'm here to do as i have promised.

To The people who have so graciously nominated me, thank you so very much. Even though i know i probably won't win it. cos there's like 6782581632 million better bloggers out there, its still nice to know that at least.. you know? there's some what, some kind of "hope" ha ha

without further ado and in no particular order,

Today's very FIRSTTT shout-out goes toooo...

Juanna sia!!! ( applause ! )

haha. thank you so very much juanna. juanna is such a sweet girl, if you had the opportunity to meet her, you'd love everything there is to love about her.

When i was back in serangoon secondary school. Dear juanna was the head prefect. unlike all the useless pussified children they now call "Counsellors" hah! those back then were still called prefects. And juanna was the biggest of em all! hahaha. sooooo, naturally, since im such a charmer, she took real good care of me.

we've emceed together, Fought off crazy guys ( one in particular who was madly in love with her) and taken the 6.20am bus 74 to school just for kicks for a whole year.

thanks Juanna:)

Next up,

one of my Favourites.

JEAN.

Jean is erratic, horrific, hyperactive, and very much NOT in a normal state of mind. (most of the time)

she cracks up into hysterical fits at almost anything, that can range from a stray cat walking into a pole, right down to .. perhaps someone walking into a pole. right

she's so funny, she makes me look boring. we've had some great outings jean and i, and the honour's really mine to have her religiously read here day in and out. considering the fact that she doesn't like reading, hahahah!! I'm just kidding.

Jean, thanks so much and keep your antics up. cos the moment you stop it, you're gonna be really dull. and i wouldn't wanna fwen euu annn neee more!

ahh the usual,

Sarah (blues my fav colour)

You've always supported me in this blogging thingy even though you know what a little atmature i am in it. i don't have to say much since the world knows you as well as i. But just that, a lot of charlzees wouldn't be here today without you:) i love you!

Daniel mama V ( u can guess why the colour's as such. haha!)

damn cool gangsta name i gave you right? just minus all the bling bling man. hahahah.

Daniel is a good natured, well loved and extremely adorable boy. he was so cute and lovable, right down to the day he was born .HAHA. ok ok, that was mean.

have you ever watched the Movie "Forest Gump" ? where Tom hanks plays a man named forest who's slightly retarded but has the heart of Gold and makes it through the hardest trials in life because of his good nature? well if you haven't, go watch it online or something because it is truly one of the best shows Ive watched, and Daniel = is somewhat like forest minus a little off the retarded part.

Audrey!

Audrey's Sweet and cheerful. you know girl, come to think about it, ive never really seen you in a well.. dull state before, you're always high, peppy and filled with very much adoring people surrounding

thanks for nominating this blog Audrey. we've had some great times during camp and church and plenty more to come! im sure of it!

and lastly,

Jessica Beh

probably one of the most atrociously "behind-the-scenes" friend's i have. this joker nominated but REFUSED to tag. haha. but anyway jess and my friendship go back a long long time when she was still a little midget in secondary school where i got make crude little comments and get away with it and not the Aussie medical student she is now while i am some naval vagabond.

every time i log on to nuffnang, i would notice a little percentage bar of readers coming from Australia .that i assume has to be her reading all the time. tsk tsk. Well jess, thanks so much for nominating me, when you get back to Singapore, i'll buy you whatever i can afford for lunch on a road sweeper's salary:)

and to you turtle dick, i know you were just on your way to nominate my sweet little blog weren't u? lol

2009-08-24T19:39:00.000-07:00

.

http://awards.nuffnang.com/index.php

In conjunction with our second anniversary, Nuffnang is proud to be hosting the first regional blog awards ever!

This is an undertaking of significant proportion and we'd like to thank our partners, the Singapore Tourism Board and Pringles for suporting this initiative.

400 bloggers and guests will be walking the red carpet being for once, at the other end of the camera, entertained by a celebrity host and top local and regional acts, dining with class and enjoying what Singapore has to offer in a full day exclusive programme.

Vote for me dear friends,

and its wine and song for a lifetime just for you!!

okay larh , ill otang you first. when im a rich man then itll come okay? slowly man!

http://awards.nuffnang.com/nominations.php -CLICK HERE NOW!

once you nominate me, leave me a tag and ill leave you a very nice shout out! i promise it'll be so sweet, you'd get diabetes!

if you lie about it, (touch wood arh!) ill make sure you REALLY get diabetes! HAH

Who Needs Wisdom?

2009-08-24T09:10:00.000-07:00

I ADMIT! ( Wo Chen Ren!!) i have been TEMPTED.

OOooOo have i been TEMPTED to the MAXIMUM!

just sooooo Tempted (to touch, tempted to touch )

to switch to live journal or word press or something because i can't seem to upload any pictures to blogger. Which annoys me and would explain the little hole in the computer screen which i shot my killer stare at.

oh no!!! so do you know what that means?? Thats it!! no more handsome pictures of me for the time being!! AWWWWW

But!! just as well because you probably wouldn't like the way i look now anyway . my face being bloated up like a giant fish ball. Talking like Ive down syndrome. I'm starting to look like that little boy from the movie "UP"

just that I'm way taller and much cuter.

ha ha ha ha (wah lau charlzee, you are like sooo .. -_- ) -so yesterday, so yesterday, I'm like a bird that's already flown away..

Anyway, a little update of my life

Ive been neglecting blogger long enough and i reckon (its again my turn) its time i write better and more interesting entrees,

i mean like, who would wanna read all about my ORDINARY life right? it'll be so boring! (totally) but too bad baby, im sorry to disappoint you butt my life's EXTRAORDINARY! ( Follow the way the ang mo's say it)

one more time.. with a little more jest and a higher pitch EXTRAOORRDINARYYY!

there you go!

~well done !! ~ ( applause for you! )

so on Friday, i took a Train down with my mummy to Alexandra hospital to have my 4 wisdom teeth extracted.

it was one of the more nerve wreaking train rides that I'd felt in a long long time. like, the train of Doom.. or the Death railway kind of feeling.

the whole trip my mum kept telling me to stop talking to her. cos people would "hear"

right. just tell me, how many of you actually REMEMBER what people say on trains? right? whats SO interesting? the closest to an ultimatum scandal you can get it is probably like a 15 year old girl asking

" Mummy, when's the first time you had sex? "

"hmmm when i was about 22"

" HAH! BEAT YA! "

ahh now that would be something to remember, or not.

Truth be told, no one remembers shit in public transportation conversations unless it strikes such an emotional chord in your brain you want to remember it so you can make sure you find a way your children forget it the next time

Fast Forward!

it was a painful painful procedure. ( cos it hurts me soo just to see you go, around with someone new ) once i woke up from the general anesthetic that is.

blood was flowing out non stop. If i looked at myself in the mirror i daresay i would look exactly like an Edward Cullen after his Mid lunch break - minus the vegetarian tofu style

all in all, its killing me so badly now. BUT, the good thing iss.. THE PRIZE..

The CHAMPIONSHIP TROPHY if you'd like to call it.

is a little A5 piece of paper, that says,

Name: Charles Ng Yixin
NRIC: S89******
Department/location: Oral surgery/ Day surgery

The above named is unfit for duty for a period of 8day/s (8 fuckin days baby!!!! ) from 21.08.2009 to 28.08.2009 inclusive

Type of Medical Leave :

[ ] Outpatient Sick Leave
[ x] Hospitalization leave

This certificate is not valid for absence from court attendance

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH JACKPOT BABY.

sooo Goodbye Wisdom Teeth, i love you all 4 of you very much. You've made me very very happy and daddy's really proud of you.

now Fuck off.

Movie Bites.

2009-08-13T09:18:00.000-07:00

Disappointment Disappointment Disappointment. As apposed to many of Jack's other comedies that successfully managed to make me laugh till my balls turned to sugar. This one only made me laugh when i thought the jokes just couldn't get any more lame.

First of all, the Movie was spilt into 3 short stories which had nothing to do with each other at all. its like watching until the plot gets just about interesting then suddenly WHAM! The End and new story begins.

The show also Weaves in and out of so many languages, Mostly Hokkien, then chinese, then back to hokkien. some parts english. Typically Singaporean. But Extremely Annoying when i have to keep glancing down at the screen to catch the subtitles.

The CG effects are so suck cock that it looked like someone literally crayoned it on a piece of paper and stuck it over the actors.

secondly, NEVER watch it at Tampines Mall's Golden Village.

1) it had the worst popcorn i have ever eaten.

2) i paid 20bucks for 2 tickets and a popcorn combo which consisted of a medium drink and popcorn. Whatsmore, i was using SAFRA card . please watch at Cathay. use your student card on weekdays or get NEBO.

3) The Seats were so uncomfortable,too close to one another, and the air con was so hot that i could almost smell the stale air and was slightly perspiring. make me feel so pek chek. Wanna punch everyone faces.

All in all, "Where Got Ghost" for me personally was a waste of money. Its the typical kind of film that is only appreciated by old aunties and uncles who recently graduated from black-white screens. Or Tweens/Twits as its not so complicated for their simply simple minds.

Untitled

2009-08-11T08:54:00.000-07:00

I apologise for the extremely long hiatus that Ive been on. I just want you all to know that each and every one of you readers, no matter who, where or , in some cases ; what , you are. is appreciated very belly much by me.

every single tag that you leave on my tag board is a like a shot of morphine up my brutally painful miserable life. So on behalf of the little men of the Charlzee's Blogging team.

Thank you so very Much

Back from a wonderfully wonderful holiday in Malaysia with dangerous roads, dangerous people and with even more dangerously cheap seafood prices yummmmmmm. it was the perfect retreat that Ive been looking so very much forward to.

Sleeping late, puffing on a cigarette while the city breeze blows on my skin 16 floors up, totally leaving my troubles behind. relaxing in the pool.

speaking of the God damned pool. things were going pretty well for all of us swimming in the pool. all doing things you only can do in Malaysia, smoking in the pool. hahaha. relaxing and splashing water

till my sadist of a Godfather ( who so happens to be an army warrant officer/ ex-Commando ) walks by and decides that charlzee is so fat, each so much, smoke so much but never exercises.

it didn't help that he recently ( after discovering that i changed his name in my hand phone contacts from "Godpa" to " Terrorist! RUN !") , Changed mine from "Charles" to "Fat Boy" . ha ha.

so he comes over and orders NICELY

" Charles, Go Swim 6 Laps for me"

"Huhhhhhh, b-but"

"or No lunch for you"

"&*(%^&%$^#$ -softly- "

and so i go swim.

" no no! no frog style. Freestyle, you need to burn all that FATS"

so poor me had to swim.

then he decided to have MORE fun, he spilt us up into 2 groups and had a swimming "race" winner wins 50 Ringgit. ooooo, sounds like a good deal right?

thanks to my smart ass Godfather, i spent the night wincing in pain in the hotel room cos i pulled a muscle in my arm which caused me to have plenty of agonizing pain. I Sold my arm for 5o ringgit. Clever Charlzee.

okay, update you guys more when I'm less sleepy:) hope you guys enjoyed this one. keep them tags coming. i love you all! :)

LEMONY SNICKERS SERIES OF DAMN BLOODY UNFORTUNATE EVENTS

2009-07-30T21:15:00.000-07:00

After a Very Fast Paced and demanding morning, The Clerks and all admin support staff of my department were asked to gather at the sitting area for a short debrief.

everyone seemed to be in a bad mood and those who weren't sulking, were desperately trying to read the papers or magazines to hide their frustration with each other until our boss came. The mood was tense and pretty much quiet

i roll my roller chair over to the small group and tried to make small talk cos i was so Goddamned bored, The Guy who i was trying to talk to gave me the "ill-rip-your-balls-apart-i-swear-i-will-and-if-i-don't-God-help-me-someone-else-will. " kinda look, so i decided against carrying on my brutally painful conversation with him .

being EXTREMELY bored, ( The Kind where i can just start rolling myself around in my long living room curtains for fun ) i spot a lonely pen sitting by itself on the table attached to an upright pen holder with some kind of bouncy bouncy wire that looked exactly like this

so i took it, played with it. how? by swinging it round and round and round and round and round and round and round and round and round and round and round and round and round and round and round and round and round and round and round and round and round and round and round and round and round and round and round and round and round and round and round and round and round and round and round and round and round and round and round and round and round and round and round and round and round and round

for a good like what? 2-5 minutes lar, around there. till the short shriek of my female colleague caught my attention. The front of her newspaper was stained with blue ink. and her fringe had small patches of blue black.

i looked up in horror, the white walls now looked like 101 blue-ma-tions, Dalmatians are black. and the cream coloured leather couch now look no where near pure cream coloured. it looked like blueberry cheese.

confirming my worst fears, i looked down at my PURE WHITE navy no3 uniform, the one where i just spent the night scrubbing and washing it by myself, with splashes of blue black ink all over,

in a moment of stupidity i WIPED the spots from my shirt with my HAND, which already had wet ink in it. SMUDGING the ink and making it WORSE. SIGHHHHHH

in my "panic mode" i turned around and my butt ( cos i was in a half bending position) smashed into the hands of my other female colleague who happened to be drinking a nice hot cup of coffee. spilling it on the carpeted floor.

apologising profusely, i turn around back to her and accidently step into the small office rubbish bin. which ultimately caused the entire office to burst into thunderous roars of laughter.

so today, i don't know which to be happier for. Being a hero who cheers people up, or just being myself.

XiaXue ah.. XiaXue,

2009-07-24T22:56:00.000-07:00

now, there's no doubt about one of Singapore's most famous bloggers, being well, famous. she's one that most in the nuffnang community look up much to. (including lil'me)

Way before i started to "attempt" blogging a little more seriously, www.xiaxue.blogspot.com was really my source of inspiration.

i always wanted to be the guy whom, with one post ,take the blogging and media world by storm with controversial and kick-ass reads. much like me friend Leraine who has MIA'ed ( where have you gone??? )

but this really horrific entree by her really crossed the line and shattered my xiaxue dreams. i mean yeah, i know she's bitchy and all that, but man this one really took the cake man.

Charlzee's Shattered Dream. -click here

i mean, i always believed that if someone does shitty things to you, by returning the favour you're just sinking to a lower state than them. it doesn't do anything except make you feel good about yourself,

smacking your 2 hands together with a great " HAH that should do the trick"

i seriously hope she doesn't come here and whoop my ass. cos with xiaxue, Anythings possible.

Twinkle Twinkle little star

2009-07-18T09:49:00.000-07:00

lol

As requested by my dear friend Jean, here's an updated entry since she got "bored" with my other one on bitchy and stupid girls whom i wish to throw rocks at.

now, jean as most of you all know is a overly-hyperactive lunatic who will stop at nothing that will tip the scales from oh-kay to insane. she's SO mad and crazy sometimes she puts my hamster whom i feed estacy pills to for fun to shame.

ha ha. just kidding, i don't have a hamster, my python ate it. HAH! gotacha again , i don't have a python too, My motorcycle ran over it by accident.

HAH! gotcha a third time. i really Do have a motorcycle. hahaha. bet you thought i didn't right? hahaha! okay, when im done amusing myself i shall move on .

Anyway, this is going out to all you sugar and adrenaline junkies, a special song for you all entitled

"twinkle twinkle little star" a song that, out of boredom or pure insanity, however u may look it. the little squeaky voice is Sarah, and the main star is.. hmmm. my very good friend Benedict. hahahahahhahahah:)

charles and his nonsense.wav -

Girls are Damn stupid, throw rocks at them (sequel )

2009-07-15T09:16:00.000-07:00

extremely sorry once again for the really late update.

Ive decided to do a short sequel on my older entree,

"Girls are Stupid, Throw Rocks at Them"

WELL class , in this sequel , we are going to cover 3 main kinds of girls. Instead of the usual bimbotic/twit-ish/ schoolgirl kinda of girls that we all hate and love, if you should ever meet anyone of the below mentioned category . no matter how chio or hot she is, PLEASE PLEASE do Charlzee here a favour and smash a brick over their annoying faces for me?

thanks preetee much.

Number One.
The Attention Seeker.

if you do the following, it is with not so much sincere at all regret that i have to inform you, you belong in Category One "The attention Seeker"

Have a Picture Folder in Face book/Friendster entitled "Me", "Pretty Me" , "Just me", "stupid me" or what fuck sort of "me" that's spilling out of the edges of my screen with sick, ahlian shots of yourself pursing your lips as tightly as you can together and thinking you are oh-so-hot. sorry, you're NOT.

Spend all day long during Quizzes on Facebook, that shows your "True" personality. choosing only to publish the stylo milo ones, and hiding the not-so-favourable ones.. farrrr.. farrr... away.

laugh at the silliest of jokes and stamp your feet on the ground and pretend you've lost your cool (if someone does that, please break that leg for me)

Number Two

The Manipulator

Knowing that a guy has feelings for you but exploit your sexuality and abusing the name of "we are just friends" and make use of him. Things may range from influencing him to buy you meals all the way to using him for your transport (trust me Ive seen it ) and or just for his company to let him hang around and "show" just how much he likes you

Telling stories and exaggerated responses around friends such as " HUH??? REALLY? NOoo lar..i don't think he likes me, I'm so ugly, and fat etc etc"

Fishing for compliments all the fuckin time, " hey, I'm not all that good okay, I'm actually quite stupid, i always open my heart but someone just comes along and breaks little fragile me " or "I'm quite ugly, i have this really big tummy i can't get rid off and it makes me (sob!sob! ) feel SOOOOO insecure of myself, only you can see my true self"

Lastly, Number Three.

The Ultimate Fake.

Always feeling very bitter when someones does things better than her then goes all out to "destroy" her. in the midst of being her best friend.

Angry with the whole WORLD and blaming EVERYONE except herself then pretending to be in a super sorry state and expect the world to sympathise. HAH!

Lying, Insincerity are all 2Nd nature to her. For example, if there was 2 pieces of pie left on a table and her best friend walks past . The story becomes "hey! i bought you 2 pieces of pie, just for you BFF:)" instead of telling her that she ate the other 8 pieces and just gave the last 2 cos she bloody couldn't finish it and find a dustbin nearby.

SO, in conclusion, if you all under any one of these categories. Please do some self reflection on your damned soul. if you just happen to fall under all 3, then do yourself a favour and just die peacefully in your sleep.

you've got issues lady.

Charlzee's top 10 stupid Q and A

2009-07-06T11:44:00.000-07:00

stupid questions people usually ask in obvious situations and some equally stupid answers

1. At the movies:

When you meet acquaintances/friends Stupid Question:

-"Hey, what are you doing here? "

A: "Well,it's so hot , there were no cool cabs so I thought I'd watch some advertisements in the cool comfort of the theatre. "

2. In the bus:

A fat girl wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet

Stupid Question: "Sorry, did that hurt? "

A: "No, not at all, I'm on local anesthesia why don't you try again? or should i go first this time? "

3. While eating chicken rice

one of your collegues/friends Asks a Stupid Question:

- "wah eating chicken rice ar?"

.A: " No, it just LOOKS like chicken when its actually the remains of your deceased one eyed kleptomanic grandfather with down syndrome. "

4. At a restaurant:

When you ask the waiter Stupid Question:

-"sorry , Is the "blah blah blah" dish good? "

A: No, its terrible and made of adulterated cement.We occasionaly also spit in it. "

5. When a friend announces her wedding:

You ask Stupid Question:- "Is the guy you're marrying good? "

A: "No , he's a miserable wife-beating , insensitive lout...it's just the money."

6. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call

Stupid Question: " Sorry. were you sleeping? / are you asleep? "

A: No. I was playing cricket for India at Sharjah and just when you called , Barrack Obama was betting with me that Pakistan would win. What do you think? "

7. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair

Stupid Question: "Hey have you had a haircut? "

A: " No, its autumn and I'm shedding...... "

8. At the dentist when he's sticking pointed objects in your mouth

Stupid Question:- " Tell me if it hurts? "

A: " And while I'm telling you , you tell me if I bite. "

9. You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman asks.

-stupid question : " Oh, so you smoke? "

A: "No, it's a miracle, it was a chalk and now it's in flames!!! "

10) you are leaving your house and your annoying little sister asks,

stupid question : : ehh going out ar? "

A: No, I'm jut opening and closing the grill so as to loosen the hinges so that i can be sure it swings real hard into your head later on. "

SKYPE

2009-07-01T10:24:00.000-07:00

THE ULTIMATE DANGER APPLICATION FOR MEN.

never let this cute little green icon fool you ladies and gentlemen, this small little shit sits at the bottom of your desktop and appears to be nothing more than a "care for the earth" campaign logo but oooooooooohhhh NoooOOOOooo.

allow me to conduct a very simple walk through for all the bucking young men aged from 12 years old ( after puberty please ) if you're 14 and still haven't reached puberty, then too bad. click the "X" at the top right hand corner of the screen please. and if you're using a MAC, its on the left, all the way to say...

maybe 30? cos if you any damn older than 30 years old other than to keep in touch with your family members, man you've got issues.

Number one.

Everyone knows the naughty little pop up called "adult friend Finder" that bloody thing just keeps coming EVERYWHERE. (haha! )

now, 95 percent of men will tell you they've clicked on it before out of curiosity. The last 5 percent who say they don't, are liars.

so anyway, one way or another it'll usually lead you to this very tempting web cam sharing webbie that .. well. shares web cams. and yes, the usual. one thing will lead to another and BAM!

Mum walks in.

ah ah ah!!! (wags finger)

(this idea's from turtle tan)

or take it for example you've had a hard day at work and perhaps end up watching a pornographic video on porntube.com or something. and unknowingly in the midst of you oh-so-horrific deed you accidentally accept a call from your girlfriend/boyfriend/mum/dad/best friend/teacher/priest/neighbour/the garang guni man and they get a full view of whatever you were doing plus skype's clear audio quality.

all you can do is give a sheepish grin, wave and say " errr. hi?"

Skype's just another tool for women to control men and keep tabs on them while they're far far away.

you know what guys, ill carry on tomorrow cos I'm so tired. very frustrated with life and being uncontactable and fast losing my morbid sense of humour.

if you attributed one way or another to my dastardly week or made it worse than it already was , PLEASE do yourself a favour, shove a gun up your ass and pull the damn trigger.

Goodnight one and all! :)

Lame Men Tell No Tales

2009-06-30T07:08:00.000-07:00

The Things i do when im lame actually inclue

A) lying down in bed and Screaming at the top of my lungs while banging my feet furiously on the bed until SOMEONE either 1) comes 2) shouts SHUT UP!!!!!!! or 3) ignores me

B) but if someone ignores me, i'd usually end up either 1) Screaming LOUDER, or for an extended period of time.

C) Checking to see how many rounds i can twirl around in my living room's curtain

D) think of new pranks i can play on people

E) take stupid pictures like the one above

F) Call SOMEONE to annoy them .

G)Talk to teddy and hopes very earnestly that he'll answer back

but if he does, then you'd find a very creeped out charlzee sitting down on the floor muttering
" he didn't say that .. he didn't say that"

H) call SOMEONE again.

I) count my fingers over and over again and if i get bored then i'll move on to my toes
(tip: that method doesn't last very long)

ok lame entree's aside.

charlzee needs a weekend job seriously. Cos he's been so broke so badly he has to resort to drinking water at macdonald's. of course he order's something else to go along with it lah. but still. the feeling sucks. IM SO BROKE!

ROBOMANIA

2009-06-25T01:54:00.000-07:00

I spent last night watching the latest and hottest movie in town

TRANSFORMERS:REVENGE OF THE FALLEN.

excuse the gay font colouring. i just found the colour to be very amusing which is why i chose it.

anyway,

to all robot fans out there, ( and im not talking about the ceiling or standing ones in your room) this show rocked my socks seven times seventy times through.

i spent 2 and a half hours with my butt glued to the edge of the seat with my mouth and eyes wide open in absolute awe. (not vodka)

i was so happy and deluded that when i was walking back to my bike, i kept wishing non stop that it would transform into some white motorcycle autobot. with red and blue stripes running down the side. shit that would be damn cool.

imagine...

KREEEEEG GINGGGG PRAINGGGGG (transforming sound)

a magnificant white autobot with blue and red stripes running down its side.

"Charles. (in a really low gluterated voice )i have been watching you"

" you have?? you perveted piece of steel! "

"no! what i mean is, i - i need (cough!cough!) "

"RXZ! tell me what you need!! "

"cough!cough! "

"whatt!!? tell me what do you need!! holy smokes, you got H1N1??!!"

"Charles. I need.. 2T, new engine oil, my balancer's out, my side mirrrors are rusty,my engine keeps dying i need 98petrol not 92. with techron better, petrol stains on my fuel tank which is now my chest and people are gonna start staring man and yes, new footrests cos the corner of the old ones broke up when you were trying to foot rape me with that so-called "kickstart" idea of yours. "

decepticon haybusa comes from behind RXZ

charlzee sees but pretends he doesn't.

haybusa blows exhaust at RXZ and kills it.

"oopsie"

time for a new bike!!hmmm autobot SP looks good eh? hahahahah

Pages and Pages of Words

2009-06-23T12:43:00.000-07:00

My writing abilities seemed to have diminished over time, and that's not the only thing that has been fast disappearing. My poor overstretched, very light, very thin wallet seems to be echoing back every time i ask it

" where has all the money gone?! "

right. So, after smart alec charlzee decided to open his throttle a little further and found himself stranded on 2nd link in between Malaysia and Singapore, his poor wallet had to suffer the towing fee, the repair costs, and his buddies had to suffer helping to push his bike back to Singapore

thanks turtle tan and Dan the man.

if you guys think Indians are lazy, man. you should meet Dan. he's the man. speaking of Dan, it was his birthday yesterday! yayy dan. you finally turned 5 years old. how about a lovely dovey kiss kiss kiss? ohh? stop crying Dan, you look so ugly when you cry please ! just cut it out!

hahaha.

Let me carry on with my mundane life stories, went out for bowling with the con camp gang. which consisted of...

Armari, Deydey, chels, raph,emman, the little rat, aud, glenn and yes, perry water. its fun watching the guys play with balls. though i sucked at it big time the enjoyment actually came from each other cheering each other on and screaming like mad people even though one of us actually got a freaking gutter ball.

lol. pity our good "friend" angelica couldn't make it. it would be very very amusing to watch her do something silly like swing the ball and find herself sliding head first toward the pins. OR. hahah! ( this one cracked me up)

like before she swings the balls she starts singing "my lips like sugar" and ends up dropping the ball on her toe and she'll start crying.

and then i'll run over. and instead of helping, i'd go (once again) "you look so ugly, when you cry! " hahahahahahaha.

okay self amusement here.

deydey and i have interesting talks at night. and i just have one consideration. NEVER talk to her when im sleepy. cos i always end up blurting up shit. and yes, to one and all, if dey dey annoys you. tell her GHOST stories. it must be scary and creepy (which ghost story isn;t)

maybe like..

its 3am. and you awake to a sudden scratching sound just above your head behind your bedpost. you open your eyes and next thing you know, the sound's coming from UNDER your bed. you peek over the side and you see a creepy little girl with a creepy Litte face smiling at you, with her long abnormally long fingernails scratching the wood SLOWLY...

she opens her mouth and says

" eh d'cotta! you know what babe? your bed sucks. can you like, get king-coil or something instead of this cheapo mat brand?! you sleep on this crap so much , you even say hello like a mat. wth are u thinking man?! now i gotta work OT just to scare the fuck outta u just so u'd change ur damn bed"

moving on, (after you guys stop laughing) Sarah and i plan to take a trip to japan. probably next year to visit our goood friend ayaka! in fact, apart from all the japos who tried to conquer the world, she's prob the only Japanese friend we know.

the rest of our japanese friends stay here at home with us. My SONY television, AIWA walkman, soysauce, teriyaki sauce. ahhhh. hahaha

but as you recall in my 1st paragraph. im dead flat broke. so to my dear friends, if i reject you guys on outings and dates and say that im not free. please don't believe me

im actually quite financially retarted.

2009-06-17T12:01:00.000-07:00

Not bad huh? pretty fierce looking eh. except for that fat guy with the yellow belt on the extreme left. he still gives me the creeps till today.

he had some issue withhhh. i think himself. always behaving like some half wit troll. Spilling his saliva all over the place while training. Thank God louis was next to me on this particular phototaking day or i would have died of cardic arrest.

other than that, lets see if you can spot me or Turtle tan. haha

Our Song

2009-06-16T12:15:00.000-07:00

Just a Song that a wrote really long ago,

Our Song.

Feel the pages, Baptize you whole

oh pour through the papers,

Let it rain on your soul.

oh let the words,illuminate.

And redeem your lonely mind.

Bridge:

wooah drown yourself in your tears.

i said drown yourself in the tears in this story

Chorus:

Oh oh oh cradle my fragile heart,

keep it safe and warm in your arms of love

Find a place for it right next to your own heart.

and as they sing in melody

let this be our song.

2009-06-15T11:56:00.000-07:00

You are too much sometimes. Always thinking so highly of yourself, strutting around with your nose high up in the air thinking you're always a grade higher then the rest when you're like not even "there".

bah blah blah,

i was going to write something like the above mentioned text and sign off at the end with something like

"thats just you Charles Ng, but don't worry, i love you as much as i love myself"

but then again , i stopped for a few particualr reasons

No1) its Cheesy as hell.

no 2) it still sounds cheesy after editing

no3) i'd get shot

no4) sarah will call me after reading the title and ask if its her im talking about

so bearing that in mind and also yes,

no 5) i almost forgot. i was lazy to continue.

been extrememly busy with life. as usual. Sorting out dates and appointments etc ( im an important man just to let you know) but when school starts i will become a retired man.

i realized that a lot of people think that stuff they say or do can be covered up. spreading that thick veil of deciet over other's eyes so that they can percieve them as good natured, caring and kind people.

but im no fool to them.

just so you know.

2009-06-13T09:00:00.000-07:00

LARISSA

you are such a sweet girl. always giving me good morning messages. u have really grown from that litte sec 1 girl i facilitated to the amazaing creation God created today.

i can never thank you sincerely enough for being the sweetie u are. thank you so very much.

stop giving me that sheepish smile cos i bet u are friggin grinning from ear to ear now. you little monster.

2009-06-13T08:10:00.000-07:00

Hey baby!

you reallyGot my tail in a spin

Hey baby !I don't evenKnow where to begin

But baby I got one thingI want you to know

Wherever you go tell me 'Cause I'm gonna go

We found love,
So don't hide it

Life is a rollercoaster,Just gotta ride it

I need you,So stop hiding

Our love is a mystery Girl, let's get beside it

Serious reflection.

2009-06-10T10:47:00.000-07:00

I guess i did myself in this time. The excitement of new buddies and friends caught up to me. Im 20 this year. but apparently, it doesn't show.

i hate being old (a.k.a peterpan) but now's the time where i have to learn to discipline myself. Im an adult. And i better start behaving like one.

i know what i was born to do. i still remember it was a cold night in march. i was 15 years old. Candles and 8 people huddled down lying in a circle with soft music echoing off the walls of saint vincet de paul when a voice whispered in my heart.

"Charles. i want you to speak"

but now, that road seems ever daunting. i asked God "why?" and he says,

"remember if the world hates you, it hated me first"

i just can't believe that stuff like that will happen. ive never been the kind to ever let my feelings show. but i took a big beating, and now still am paying a price for it.

i swear my intentions were good. father forgive me.

charlzee is an emo boy today. Don't sms, don't call. i just wanna be with sarah and left alone. thanks

To Sarah

2009-06-09T10:31:00.000-07:00

happy 46 months girl.

time really passes really fast and i still love u more than ever. which is exactly why i did this.

MUAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HAPPY 46 MONTHS LOVE!!!!!!!

Insatiable Mask

2009-06-08T12:20:00.000-07:00

I feel so scared to know you,
i feel so scared to try.

i want to change the whole world,
so that you won't say goodbye

but time has come
and i don't wanna go
cos in my heart you know i want you so
please don't leave
you know it'd hurt real bad
cos in my heart you know i want you back

Chorus:

It slashes quick so silent yet so fast,

im bleeding now won't you just let it pass?

i want to cry but i, don't know how

everyone, has an untitled insiatiable mask.

2009-06-07T23:53:00.000-07:00

Confirmation camp was a blast.

wish i had pictures so that my aching fingers would n0t have to write so much. hahaha. im pretty much stonned here cos there's so many people i wanna thank and say iloveyou to, but b4 i can actually type out their name , another one pops up.

i made a fuckload of friends. mostly nice people that i can relate to and chill with. oh man, really still on the high note of life now.

i also discovered that all that glitters may not be Gold, and learnt that people who don't treasure friendship should deserve none of it.

ooohh serious much huh.

Beeeepbeeepbeeepbeeeppp!!!!!!!!!

Adapted from the novel " The Lighters"

2009-06-02T01:00:00.000-07:00

Chapter 2. The Guest

John went home that night feeling worse than he had in all his other days. He could not help but ask himself."why me? "

he recalled watching spider man and remembered peter Parker saying," This is my gift, this is my curse." and wondered just how much of that applied to him.he walked up the steps to his house and yanked the door open. rushing past the living room to avoid interrogation from mum and dad as to why he was drenched head to toe in sprinkler water.

Closing the door behind him, he had a hot a hot shower and vowed to sleep early.

That night he couldn't sleep. As he laid on his hands behind his head and stared into the cream painted ceiling with the spinning fan, Past memories of unexplained phenomena kept flooding back into his mind.

How he was afraid of the dark one night after watching a scary movie and as his young imagination ran amok, the room became brighter and brighter until it seemed like daylight had broken.

mum and dad attributed it to a malfunctioned light bulb and never said a word after that. he was forbidden to.

1am... 3am. his eyes were getting heavy. ..4am.

he just drifted off to sleep when a voice rang out

"Not so smart John, not so smart."

John jolted up.

"who said that??!" He demanded.

His eyes scanned the darkened room and he squinted his eyes hard. The room became brighter.

"You needn't do that here. " The voice said again and the room darkened to the right shade of black.

"I'm right here john."

He turned his head to his window still and there sat a strange man, clothed in a black leather jacket and pants. knees bended ,staring out into the night while puffing on a cigar.

"who are you?!" john demanded.

"what are- "

"you doing here? what do you want? why are you doing this? " the usual questions I'm afraid.

nevertheless redundant as i was going to explain my presence at this unearthly hour."

the man retorted lazily.

"I'm gonna call the cops!" john said as he jumped out of bed

"you can try. but remember boy, it'll take you 3.2seconds to walk to the door, another 5 seconds to reach the telephone and perhaps another 1.8 seconds to Dial 911"

"SO?! "

"i could probably set you aflame in a fraction of a second johnny boy, and this time, there won't be a sprinkler system to save your ass. "

John stood there speechless. lost for words

"aww come on. Stop being a pussy" The man said as he exhaled a thick puff of smoke.

John walked to him slowly and looked him in the eye.

"soo.. what do you want now?"

"oh yes.. i forgot. Sincerest of apologies."

"now listen Johnny boy , Ive only got a while to talk cause now that the Darksighters are aware that you're an Asher-"

"wait! whats an Asher? " john questioned.

" that's what we call you new guys. Those who discover that their powers are steadily growing and they don't know how to CONTROL them." the man answered sarcastically

.he continued."The Darksighters are basically another breed of men, "

" Born with The insatiable desire to do more evil than any human soul is capable of. Some, like us, have unique gifts. But the bottom line is, they're able to control liquids of all sorts."

"so, we're pretty much at opposites sides right?"

Our Leader believes that we were created by God for that reason my boy"

"WHAT reason?"

"that they exist." The man replied flatly."

Are there more of us?"

"there's a whole bunch of us mate and you'd get to meet them in due time. but for now, The Darksighters will be here anytime soon to deal with you, but not to worry, they're only sending 2 patrolmen down because you're still after all only an Asher. "

"what the hell?!?!?"

"relax boy.i know what i am doing."

"what about my mum and dad?! " John exclaimed.

"they're Dead"

A loud scream echoed through the London's household. followed by the sound of breaking glass and furniture. A cold gust of wind sent John's spine shivering blew through the entire room.

"And so, it begins."

The man winked at John and his cigar went out. He walked to the back of the door and leaned against the wall.

"quiet now boy"

The house once again omitted nothing but pure silence.it was a matter of seconds when the door crept open slowly with the man Hiding behind the door and John staring right straight at two of them.clothed in black robes, they each bore a strange mark on their face.

The taller one had 2 slash marks on his face, while the other had one.Without warning the man lunged out from behind the door, Grabbed The back of one of the Darksighter's neck with one hand, and He immediately starting screaming as his neck followed by his body turned to dust.

At the same time raising his other hand and as though grabbing the thin air and then releasing it at the other. Incinerating him as well.He flipped his cigar back up into his mouth Hopped back out to the window still and winked at john, automatically lighting his cigar up.John stood there drenched in cold sweat. He had wet his own pants.

2009-06-02T00:43:00.001-07:00

She's so sexy, so cool
She's the baddest girl I seen
I'm wonderin why
I only see her in my dreams
The love of my life,
She's the only one for me
My l-o-v-e, oh my l-o-v-e

Baby, you're my shooting star
Ride with me and I'll take you far
Explore the world, and back around
You lift me up, and you hold me down (you hold the crown)
And you make this team
There's no couple like this, king & queen
There's no other couple like, you & me
You're the girl of my dreams, my everything
I love this feelin, your love is healin
I need it, I breathe it
No way I'd ever leave it
I'm so into you, don't what I'd do
Your love is so true
It's just me & my boo

2009-05-31T14:30:00.000-07:00

ive decided to link one of Leraine's older entries. really interesting stuff ( cos it mentions yours truly)

hahaha. hopefully you'll find some laughs reading it

http://leraine.blogspot.com/2008/08/girls-watch-boys-who-watch-girls-watch.html

It’s a quarter past six in the evening and I’m on the MRT from Somerset. The rush-hour crowd is pressed up against me, far too close for comfort – sweaty students and washed out office workers all fucking off home gratefully

. I attempt to distract myself from the repugnance by plugging into my iPod, and DobaCaracol does the job for a while, but then my phone rings.

“Hello?”

The masculine timbre of a low, familiar, intimate voice floods through the line.

“Hi, sexy...”

I roll my eyes. “Yes, Charles.”

He giggles. “Where are you?”

“On the train.” I say loudly.

Everyone around me is nattering.

“What?”

Evidently he is somewhere none too quiet as well.

“On the TRAIN.” I half-shout,

trying to make myself heard over the beeping of the doors-closing alert.

“WHY WHERE YOU?”

“I can see you.” His low, husky voice replies.

He would almost pass off for a psychopath stalker in a B-grade teen slasher, if he was anyone but Charles.

I start squirming in the crowd. The people around me look unhappy. I ignore them and stand on my tippy-toes, trying to elevate my 5-foot frame.

“I don’t see you!”

“I can see you. Stop turning around. You can’t see me from there.”

“Where are you going to?”

“What?”

“WHERE YOU GOING LAH??”

The train comes to a shuddering halt at City Hall. Everyone starts shuffling and pushing. I hate Singaporeans, I think to myself, but try my best to keep up. Charles mumbles something that I don’t catch.

“What? What? OI. I’m getting off here.”

“Oh okay. Where are you going?”

“Raffles City. Where are you? Are you still on the train?”

I am looking around again, trying to dodge angsty weapon-wielding commuters. LV shoves me on the right and Coach strikes me on the other, and the rest of the herd pushes me in the direction of the escalators

.“No.”

“So where are you? I can’t see you. Why can’t you just come over here so we can talk face to face?”

I step onto the escalator, still scanning the crowd; neck craning, body twisting, toes… tipping.

“Stop turning around lah.” He sounds amused.

“But where are you??!”

“I can see you very clearly, Le Raine.”

He sing-songs. I start to laugh.

“Just come here so we can talk in person lah!”

“Not yet… and stop turning around.”

“Where the fuck are you?”

“Stop laughing. And stop covering your mouth. And I told you to stop turning around!”

I’m laughing and covering my mouth with a hand, still twisting around to look for him.

“Where are you? Don’t be an asshole. Why can’t we just talk face to face?”

“I’m, like, so close to you lah.”

This sets me off. I start turning and turning like a dog chasing his own tail, expecting him to be right behind or beside me, but he’s not – not that I can see anyway.

“Where the fuck!” I’m amused and exasperated.

“Okay. Le Raine. Do you know why we’re so close?”

“Why?” I wail.

“Because,” he paused meaningfully.

“Our hearts beat as one.”

I splutter and collapse into giggles simultaneously.

“Shut up!”

He starts laughing as well. He’s an incorrigible flirt, and he’s always flirting with me – exaggeratedly. He probably finds my usual deadpan responses amusing,

I think, but when it comes to Charles it’s like trying to get into the mind of a 5-year old.

Honey, why are you wiping your snot on the wall? Because it’s FUNNIE! *shriek of laughter*

“So just come over here lah. Stop bullshitting. Where are you?” I still can’t see him.

“Sengkang.”

“SENGKANG?!” I explode.

“Then what the – what – what – why - ”

“See how well I know you?”

He bursts into giggles.

“You. Are such a fucker.”

He responds by guffawing uproariously. I sigh. The rest of the conversation continues in relatively normal fashion, but I can't help feeling relieved I was born with a vagina.

SJC INVASION.

2009-05-30T13:48:00.000-07:00

wow. found this in one of sarah's old "unmarked" folders. hahahah! shit this was taken super long ago in CHIJ SJC. LOL in their.. let me think, its called the "haunted toilet" near the DNT block. hahaha i know why its haunted.

(creepy music )

cos.. i was there!

stupid sarah just annoyed me. Gonna drown her pretty soon, watch the papers.

2009-05-29T11:51:00.001-07:00

I had a blast at the partee.

i tell you guys, organizing games for you all is like chasing and beating a 5 year old to death with a sponge.

I'd love to write more, but I'm suffering from post annoyance stress. nighte night angelic world.

Tonight i wanna.

2009-05-28T11:45:00.000-07:00

Alone in this house again.. tonight.

i got the TV on.

the sound turned down

and a bottle of wine

there's pictures of you and i on the walls around me

the way that it was and could have surrounds me

ill never get over you

walking away..

Ive never been the kind to ever let my feelings show.

I thought that being strong meant never losing your self-control.

but I'm just drunk enough,

to let go of my pain.

to hell with my pride,

let it fall like rain ..from my eyes.

Tonight.. i wanna cry.

~ Keith urban

Just for you.

2009-05-27T11:37:00.001-07:00

It was a Dark and gloomy afternoon. Wind howled across the corridors and blew hard against my skin , making it smooth and cold. The rain had only just begun.

I swing my haversack over my back and began walking toward the school hall. Its 4.45pm. Students are mostly at home and teachers are either at meetings or in their lounges. I stay in school to escape the wrath that faces me when i am alone at home.

Its almost a routine. I go in by the spoilt back service exit. i twist the doorknob as much as i can and give a hard push. The door opens. it still does.

Checking behind me to make sure no one's following i creep into the dark school hall.

Its empty, the musky smell fills the air. Memories stain my mind as it robs me of my self-control. Ghosts of Friends and foes fill the empty hall, musical laughter plays all round.

i look around and heave a huge sigh before walking down the steps to The Grand Piano that sits before me and blow the dust off.

Its still the same, no one pretty much plays it here anymore since i left. The keys are all dusty. It even has the same scruff marks i left behind 5 years ago. i close my eyes and breathe in deeply, silently wishing that for just one second, i could turn back time.

feeling like an emotional freak, i gently place my fingers on the keys and play the 1st tune that comes to my mind.

It was .. "Cannon in D"

i shift to the left of the Grand piano's seat. and recalled all the times he sat there next to me, as i tried my best with the little musical knowledge i had, to teach him how to play that song.It was tedious, but he never stopped coming back for more. He never did learn it.

But it was okay my old friend. it really is. That day, " Cannon in D" was specially dedicated, just for you.

Rest in peace

Charlzee's Woes

2009-05-26T18:51:00.000-07:00

I rarely nag. FYI.

Ive been SO sick for the past few days. my nose is dripping like crazy. perhaps from all the bloody paint fumes when i paint my freaking house.

My mum's really interesting, she spends half a day choosing a colour for the living room. Our living room is painted in pure white by the way.

and so, after i tell her to choose, you know? maybe blue. orange or something happy and warm. she bloody chooses cream white.

SO, it leaves me... the perspiration soaked shirt boy to curse and swear under my breath while painting WHITE.. overrr .. ? ? WHITE!!

SO i decide to get out of that place and find a place to Chill when Our good friend Nerissa calls and asks us over for a drink. With Thankfulness in our hearts, Me and Sarah rides through the cool breeze over to CASTLE GREEN. the land of beautiful landscape. i park my bike right outside her walkway camouflaged behind the bushes,

When i return, i stare and my beautiful motorcycle and lo and behold, It got wheel clamped. with a ransom offer of 53.50 ,of course i have no money and after much unsuccessful attempts to negotiate with the Assholic security guards, i Become indebted to Nerissa's father for paying for the unlocking of the wheel clamp.

Feeling frustrated, i head over to Jalan kayu and order my favourite Supper. The infamous nasi lemak, after waiting for a super long time my food finally arrives. i take a bite into the chicken wing, and not one, but TWO brackets of my braces dropped.

i was feeling extremely lucky that day.

shortly we left and i sent Sarah home. i parked my bike downstairs, put my helmet in my box and shuffled my weary feet back up the lift and home. when i reached my door, i felt as though i had won the lottery.

my House keys were still dangling off my bike.

Attack of The Giant Aunties

2009-05-24T23:06:00.000-07:00

ATTACK OF THE GIANT AUNTIES

Some of you guys may know i have a very sick fetish for well.. Cooking. All the way from Gutting the food right down to taking my own sweet time shopping for groceries. ( Chili padi, garlic, curry leaves, Boneless chicken)

even though i cook and prepare food like a friggin ZHI CHAR cook, i still try to imagine I'm a world-class chef, moving fast and slicing the meat like how a real pro should do it. But on a serious note, chef-ing? not for me. I'd want to taste everything before i serve it. hahahh.

anyway, So i wounded up with Sarah yesterday at tampiness Giant. and the place was crowded with Singapore's most undesirable. No, they're not the stinking bangala molesters, neither are they Cheenah china Chinese.

They are .. The SINGAPORE AUNTIES.

-cringe-

shoving their way around. one even had the cheek to loudly TSK me even though she bloody half smashed her trolley into mine. I can take my friends or family going TSK. they can TSK TSK TSK TSK as many times , as loudly and annoyingly as they like, but just so as long as ONEEEEE,

just ONEEE Singapore AUNTIE " TSK!" me. i really just wanna grab her head and dunk it into a toilet bowl, raise it up , dunk it again, raise it up again and dunk it again over and over and over and over and over and over again.. she can gurgle and TSK all she wants then. with utmost ease.

Others have a freaking bad habit of walking straight, pushing their trolley straight, every thing's straight except that small head of theirs, Cos they're either looking at the freaking milk powder on the left ( they're gonna need it after I'm done breaking their bones ) or some shit on the right.

they will NEVER look straight just to see a VERY VERY annoyed Charles staring right at them, standing stationary with his trolley cos they farking are blocking the farking way.

and the worst thing about shopping with them, is that they have no bloody consideration for other people. I was about to select my favourite seafood in the whole world.

PRAWNS. (yummmmmm) BUT when i reached to a side to take the tongs, AGAIN an auntie took my place. and best part is, she just kept DIGGING and DIGGING the whole bloody tray, so the poor fresh prawns at the bottom kept getting their heads ripped off. (which is what she wanted so the weight will be lesser and she'd pay lesser too) and by the time annoyed charlzee gets to pick his prawns, they're all mutated.

Now let me get this straight, I'm not prejudiced against ALL the women in Singapore who are 30 and above, speak mostly hokkien and probably smell bad. Cos Ive met some great women who.. yes, display " Auntie-rism" but inside, they really rock.

so what I'm saying is... in GENERAL. we should send all these aunties for course. Thats the way the government loves to do things around here. If you are caught displaying syntoms of "auntie-rism" Automatically go for night course, thrice a week.

Then you are allowed to go outdoors. if not, from 7am to 7pm you are confined to your home. HAH! then after you pass, you wear P-plate which stands for "politeness plate" ahhhhh. hahaha for one year.

ho ho ho . elect me as your next prime minister man.

Pssssst to a Certain friend: i typed all these really really fast cos i know you're bloody reading this. hahahhaa

2009-05-23T11:00:00.000-07:00

FINALLY.

The day has arrived, where i have changed my faithful road companion. its actually been some time since ive been riding my new baby but because its a really old combination, so its been in and out of the bike shop quite a few times.

Here's My ex babeyy the SUZUKI EN125

I MISS YOU!!!!

and presentingggggg

YAMAHA RXZ 135

Im in so much love with this new baby. even though she's really old, (she's like 20) her engine's still pretty solid.

The only downturn is that the sound this guy makes is a real public enemy. PA PAAAAAAAAAA!. yes its the annoying sound.

anyway, on the brighter side of things, im deeply honoured that the catechists in saint anne's asked me to help out for their confi camp. it isn't really like the.. old place, where everyone's fake. oh well, i wouldn't know if it'd be different here, guess i'll update you guys pretty soon. for now. NIGHTIE:)

2009-05-22T02:26:00.000-07:00

Quotes should not be taken seriously, after all, all they have to do is sound nice.

At the end of the day, quotes are nothing but a reflection of a particular individuals thoughts and mentality. anyone can make a quote. For example,

( off the top of my head )

" He who so happens to walk in and out of a lady's life and gets his balls kicked, will experience a sensation so painful, it will hurt so bad"

~Charlzee

okay, that sounds cheesy as it is.

it pretty much is finding a random person whether famous or not and glorifying the words he/she spoke. Passing it off as something you said at times and nodding your annoying little head sounding ever so intellectual.

BUT not all quotes are bad. Biblical quotes have their meanings and using quotes isn't a wrong thing too. what I'm trying to say is, Use quotes at the right times, and not to JUSTIFY certain actions or thoughts.

2009-05-19T09:44:00.000-07:00

To a Certain someone.

there's such a word called "sensitivity" which usually deals with taboo topics which usually involve culture, race, religion or .. for instance DEATH of a loved one.

As a public online profile user i cannot choose or regulate the comments posted which is why usually if i disagree or do not favour certain comments made, out of respect to My friend, i tell them discreetly so,

again, its up to them if whether they decide to edit or remove their comment. people do That. writing things for their so called "pride" or "face"? its normal. who doesn't?

for instance. Who would give a shit if you wanted to learn pole dancing? which by the way is a very provocative idea which automatically generates certain immediate mentally disturbing images and of course, comments. which is what us bloggers do. we blog for the response of our readers.

it is very much similar to facebook or friendster's systems . However , based on the current circumstances. It most definitely does NOT apply.

I'm very sure if your Mum died and i said her name (whether it was in comparison to anyone or anything living or dead) was annoying, bothersome, galling, irritating, nettlesome, plaguy, provoking, troublesome, or vexatious.you'd go orgasmic.

i can't be sure its me you are talking about dear friend therefore on this occasion alone I'll stoop extra low and address it to a "certain someone"

I'm sure you'd love me more than ever now old friend(:

2009-05-18T08:25:00.000-07:00

.....................................................

Rest in Peace Jiawei.

It was like a gathering. A meeting of old familar friendly faces today, but for all the wrong reasons. you're gone now jiawei, without even saying goodbye, but at least my dear friend please know that from all the way up in heaven that you've made an impact not only on my life but the rest of us back in school.

so cheers to you dear friend. Let us not remember you for all the sad and gloomy reasons but instead for all the happiness and joy you have brought into all our lives. God has now called you home to a better place.

AWWww

2009-05-17T11:28:00.000-07:00

People Judge friendship, love and relationships in many different ways.

physical intimacy, affirmation, loyalty and commitment are just examples of ways humans judge their relationships.

But how do you really know if someone Truly loves you? truly willing to lay down his or her own life for you? and even if so. Are you willing to do the same?

If a particular friend tells you just that, he/she's probably lying(liar liar pants on fire) . Cos in my understanding capacity. that's pure bull.

Humans are born selfish and words will always be cheap.

Therefore to me, Sacrifice means a lot. When i can feel the searing pain in the things you do for me. it means so much, it bleeds my heart dry.

When i see the EFFORT. It makes me put it double of mine.

when i see the TIME you spend with me. i begin to appreciate every breath you breathe together with me.

By the time i realize that a relationship is not worth it. I discard it. when that happens. Its just simply.. too late (to apologise.. its too lateeeee)

Of course, there are times when i extend "credit" to some relationships. But eventually, Relationships only mean so much when both consenting parties are wiling to sacrifice for one another. Correction, not just WILLING to sacrifice, but SACRIFICE in PURE thought and deed.

God gave us his only son Jesus and he died just for us. Giving everything and expecting nothing in return.

that was our model, our example. our ideal answer. but for one reason or another we only sacrifice for each other for ulterior motives or only for those we love.
_______________________________________________________

Its easy for me now to thank Sarah, for always being the one there to sacrifice the things that she needs most just to make me happy, Not letting me know about it and not expecting anything in return.

But its will never easy for me to forget it all and move on without her by my side. i will never let go of you again.

Dearest Sarah,

People always say that Men with the sweetest of tongues must be cautioned of. Keep clear of them for they only speak honeyed words to achieve their individual objectives. But i tell you now my dear , You mean the universe to me. And instead of writing you love songs, poems or quote Shakespeare ( who isn't THAT romantic btw)

I now give you my heart. Stello-taped in many places, dusty and horrifically scarred. The difference now between the sweet talkers and i ,is you'd be able to know that what i say, comes from within:)

I love you now and forever and best part is, I'm not shy to say so, thanks for everything Sarah lim

AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

Ignorimifacation

2009-05-15T11:44:00.000-07:00

One thing i hate the most in this cruel world. Is being Ignored. Yes, its a sucky feeling and humans were simply just not created to be ignored.

Of course you'd probably have guessed by now that I'm bitc* ranting about somebody. BUT silly me had to declare this a non vulgar site from now on. SO therefore.. in order to swear at the guilty party with utmost ease. I shall rely on whats left (or whatever was there in the first place) , of my creative ingenuity.

http://www.unsolvedmysteries.com/usm126597.html

Very interesting site. Notice the site name. "Unsolved Mysteries" shit Ive got to spend more time there and research on women.

I was wondering what others do when they are being ignored by a person in real life.Let me give you an example:

Let's say that you are talking with a person you know and you ask them a question and they don't answer you,just ignore you.You repeat the question another time louder and they still ignore you

.You know that the person heard your question.What do you do?Do you get mad or do you just forget it and walk off?

Date: 5/25/2001 7:43:00 PM From Authorid: 7952 I GET MAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! oh my gosh!! i have a serious problem with people ignoring me...it drives me up the wall....the is NOTHING WORSE than people ignoring you intentionally...unless of course you did something to deserve it. If not i would be major peeved! hehehehee!! *hugs*

Date: 5/25/2001 7:43:00 PM From Authorid: 14754 ignore them next time and ask them "how do you like it?"

Date: 5/26/2001 1:48:00 AM From Authorid: 20466 I talk even louder until they hear me!!!!!

Date: 5/26/2001 6:05:00 AM From Authorid: 23610 Well....if I can see that there is no good reason for them not responding to me other than plain rudeness....I chalk it up to their being ignorant and bad mannered. I don't get mad, but I do make a mental note and once I have noted that someone has such bad manners they are no longer worthy of my time. I am never rude to them....however, I don't make any effort to be nice to them either. I agree with the Admin says in the first comment. I'm afraid that is what I do also....I just don't let them in my life after that and I ignore them when they speak to me. And....yes...it does work....they get the message and sometimes even turn around and learn something from it. -Lady Nyx

Yes of course it would suck to be ignored by your best friend, your classmate. maybe even your dog. But to be ignored by an fully grown adult? man, that kinda stinks. Especially one that's supposedly been close to you. Girlish swine.

well, enough is enough. He can behave like a B**** all he wants but i hope he does himself a favour. the next time he wants to ignore someone, i hope that person gives him a good punch in the face. Pissing homosepian.

Charlzee's Back!

2009-05-14T11:07:00.000-07:00

Today Charlzee has finally ended his exams.

Apart from being intensively hooked on Hell's Kitchen on Face book and mugging for my (which has officially ended) exams, Charlzee has decided that from now on,

Charlzee's Insomnia... is going on a Non-Vulgar Campaign!

yes! that is correct, from this day forth. i am not going to use vulgar language that may insult you, your pathetic twittish habits, or your undesirable odour stained genitals.

Imagine one of my students from catechism comes here and leaves me a tag or something,

"eh cher, whats a CHEE ken, good BYE?

"errrrrrrrrrr.... well Jordan, to be frank with ya........hmmmmm, i-i don't really know"

Right. I'm the world's greatest example of how a catechist should behave.

Which reminds me, Now that exams are over (screams and rejoices for a good 5 minutes) i can devote more time into my Catechism classes. I think this week... I'm going to share my stuff with them.

prob things like.. maybe my pictures? My helmet. my 11-B, maybe my guitar . things that will show who i am, my personality and character traits etc. and of course I'd ask them to do the same. And yes, Somehow link it back to God.

although they can be brats which i seriously want to immense in hot boiling oil or even want to hang upside by their ankles for them to dry out their bullshit in the sun. But still, i think I'm in love with the 14 year old Demons from hell.

Somebody save me.

The Lighters.

2009-05-06T07:31:00.001-07:00

Yes yes Charlzee is still alive in case some of you are wondering. Its just that ive decided to write a book ( i seriously don't know whether i'd be able to complete it or not) since authors typically take a year or 2 to finish it up.

But on the brighter side, since im on MC (which ends in 3 days!! ARGHH! ) Writing a book may be a good idea of comic relief. i seriously seriously need your feedback to tell me what you all think of the idea etc.

ive already got a blog on it, but ive only opened it to invited readers only a.k.a Sarah and close dead relatives. but here's the brief on it.

The Lighters
John london is the school freak who is bullied relentlessly day to day by his class bicycle's Gang. Things Change one day when he Finds Out he is Able to manupilate Light and heat at will, sucking him to into a vortex of a present ancient war that has lasted for centuries where he belongs to the Fraternity of The Lighters. He must let go of his past inhibitations, train hard to meet Head on with the Evil Darksighters who were responsible for the murder of his parents and have the ability to control liquids.

Charlzee's wishlist.

2009-04-30T04:51:00.000-07:00

Charlzee's birthdays is TOMORROW!!!!!!

whooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

so today ive decided to come out with a selfish wishlist. i call it a selfish wishlist because its basically pressie's for me and me alone and prob things that will make only me happy. And oh yes, you guys prob can't afford it too. which yet again explains why its called a "selfish" wishlist.

CHARLZEE'S SELFISH WISHLIST.

(wishes are not arranged in preferential order )

1) A leather Xmen jacket.

love it!

2) A NEW TATTOO

T B Continued

2009-04-29T07:54:00.000-07:00

hahaa. okay upsss for a very chessy title.

So when Dr ho from ubi dental clinic asked me to write them a short testimonial for their website, i thought

"sure, why not?"

but what a suprise because i think i wrote too much.

sounded as though i was trying to show off my "writing" abilities. hah!

so check it out.

www.idental.com.sg

under the "smiles gallery"

Excuses Excuses Excuses

2009-04-27T12:18:00.000-07:00

Its been terribly long since i updated. Not Because of my lack of love for blogging, but more so of being busy with much greater priorities. OK OK, so a quick update on my miserable life by far.

Very recently, I sold my "en" (pronounced as "er-en" ) and spoken softly in a very sexy Chinese tone.

At least that's what i call her. she's a beauty right?

well looking forward to a new bike but haven't really found one which price is right. sighh thinking back. I actually feel sad that EN is not at my car park anymore.

Its like, she's been with me for so long (8 months ), I've bathed her. Ive poured soap and scrubbed her every corner.F ell down together. rode on her. jumped on her, whacked her hard. smacked her back seat. made her roar. and even gone overseas with her.

now, she's gone. ha ha. as my facebook status quotes, "charlzee is SADED TO THE MAX"

but on the very very very very much brighter side, A warm toast to a new motorcycle! (: Any Ideas or suggestions ladies and gents? :)

Thank God Its Once a Year.

2009-04-19T08:08:00.001-07:00

So Charlzee's back with interesting updates on my extremely mundane week. tsk tsk, i shall confess that i had indulged in my laziness and succumbed to not blogging.

Anyway, The idea of having a "Back to School" themed party hatched at the void deck of Grande Vista Condominium at close to 3 in the morning. It hit us like a stray bullet and even though time was short. We just knew we had to go through with it. Irresistible.

Planning the Party Games was pretty fun but it sucked at a certain point cos most of the question cards which we hid downstairs at the playground were stolen by little annoying brats who probably got angry because they were too stupid to answer the questions written inside. and 2 annoying little boys who behaved no where like 20 year olds. sadly, the birthday boy was one of the guilty parties

But it was okay cos we got back at him later on when we ambushed him at the lift, masking taped his mouth and tied his hands behind the chair, following which , the girls grew make up on his face and the guys powdered his nice blue pants. BUT just to annoy you ( the reader )I'm not going to post the picture here. hahahaha, but if you're a friend of his, or Stacey's you'd probably get to see it on facebook anyway. so there.

by the way, the glasses belong to Godpa, since i was BORN with PERFECT eyesight ( thank you lord! )

so finally, as the night came to a close, it was really an awesome party. had lots of fun. I'd probably not have the same amount of fun on my birthday which is coming up preetyy soon:) sooo a Charlzees wish list is inbound. standbyyy:)

Ps. To all the half-wits insincere clouts who promised they'd show but didn't turn up with so much as an excuse for not being present. Go Mate yourself

Memoirs.

2009-04-15T22:03:00.000-07:00

The late morning sun scorched my neck and blazed down harder than usual at the men of the fast craft training unit in Tuas naval base. Inspection was coming up and all the crafts had to be in their peak condition. Techs and seamen alike, working to the bone.

I was perspiring like a mad dog in my coveralls De rusting and greasing all the nuts and bolts in the craft's quarter deck (scrubbing all the rust away with a metal brush, spraying WD-40, then applying this sticky creamy shit grease all over it) , when a voice called out to me.

"Oei char-les, how? can not? "

"can larrr" I replied quietly.

I still happened to be an OJT. and OJT's = SHIT.
and when a fellow OJT appears to be nice to you, it usually means they want something. which is bad.

" i finished my craft damn long ago already lei. why you euu take so long?"

"beeeecauseee... I'm doing it... PROPERLY!. " I replied somewhat rather harshly.

but to my surprise, he shrugged my unfriendliness off, turned and called another of his buddies. who hopped on my craft in a few seconds.

"Oeiii Char-lesss.. can nott??"

he asked me the same freaking question. I felt like banging my head into the floor.

"eh Charl-ess.. 11.50 already lei. don't wanna eat ar?"

"of course i want lar. but cb. everyone work in pairs with their mentor then my one knn leave my here by myself to do all his work. "

"sian man" he said

"damn sian" the other echoed.

they started speaking something in hokkien.

"eh char-les we come back in awhile"

they returned a few minutes later and without a word, squatted down with me and helped to De-rust and grease the parts. all happening while they could have gone for lunch.

days turned to weeks and months. and Finally. Ive found best friends even in the depths of hell.

David and Mingde. if you ever read this. Cheers!

Literomantica

2009-04-13T10:55:00.000-07:00

The cool after-rain breeze of the night floats in and gently strokes the strands in your long black hair.

little droplets of rain fall in through my window, baptising your slumbered eyes while you pull the thick comforter around you tighter .

I turn the music emitting from my notebook down so as not to wake you and pull my chair closer to my bed, feeling my breathing in cease and finding myself staring intensely at your peaceful being.

"We'll write a song..
That turns out The lights,
where boy and girl
are suddenly shaking inside.. "

you stir suddenly and i hold my breath. silently praying that i did not wake you. false alarm, you adjusted your body and fall back to sleep. The Previous day's activities have left you drained physically.

i gently creep in next to you and as though by instinct you rest your weary head on my chest. you seem to enjoy the up and down movements of my breathing as you snuggle in closer. i pull your body closer to mine and hold you tighter knowing that I'll never let you go.

"Don't waste your time..
speed up your breathing.
Just close your eyes..
you'll know its not,
for nothing at all. . "

I gently kiss your forehead and a warm smile spreads across your face. I closed my eyes and together. We waited for the inevitable break of dawn.

Take 5.

2009-04-09T12:31:00.000-07:00

Charlzee is Going on a short Break. just to relax his short fused mind muscles. all right, I'm gonna need to take a break from charlzees for awhile, exams are coming up. and to be honest, i haven't so much as smelt my textbooks.

so, more updates soon when i get back! :) but hang around! DON'T run away cos knowing me, I'll probably screw this and end up blogging in a day or two. you'll see! :)

i love you one and all!! :)

Don't Give Pet Names.

2009-04-08T13:00:00.000-07:00

I hate it when Guys (who aren't the girl's Boyfriend) gives sick moronic pet names in an attempt to "jio" the girl.

its basically like fucking Cow branding her, except instead of using a iron poker, you're using your twit speech. its a deadly enough weapon. (enough to make my ears bleed)

More so if you ( as a twit ) are doing it to another guys' girl. come on! have you nothing else better to say? what happened to charm and sweeping the lady off her feet? you think the lady's gonna fall flat at your feet at " Cutie pie" mating calls? -cringes-

for your information, my auntie used to call me that when i was like what, 5??! , it doesn't mean she's trying to make me one of those incest child porn stars right? ( which is usually what the twits think about all the time anyway! )

another thing is how they "force" you to go out with them in an all-rounded attempt to make themselves look damn bloody fucking good. for example,

"ehss euu look veri pale leiz, let mi take euu See DocTer leiz"

sure. the poor girl probably turned pale once she realized what an ugly fuck face you have. and the only doctor you need to see is probably a shrink for that over sized twit head of yours.

or,

"thranks helpin picking up er bottle cap from me coca-cola bottle, let me blan-jah euu dinner leii"

I'm sure the poor girl once again picked up your contaminated twit bottle cap just so she could spend another evening staring at your ugly face.

at the end of the day, for charlzee lah huh, most guys don't really fall under the twit category. especially if you are "chasing girls' properly. but the moment you try to pull cheap imbecilic stunts like the above mentioned ones, you become no better than one.

and if the girl has a boyfriend, the only crush you are allowed to have, is on your fucking testicles. if you didn't read that properly. here's a simplified version

G.O F.U.C.K Y.O.U.R.S.E.L.F

On an extremely nicer note, here's a nice saying my friend jasmine found today.

special thanks to Stanford as well for being such a nicey. too bad the stupid fucker wants me to remove his link even though i think its a waste cos he damn hell as hell writes a fuck load better.

"I won’t ask why I cry today,
It must be the treason.
I won’t ask why I feel sad today,
It must be the season.
I won’t ask why I hurt today,
God must have a reason."

~Jasmine koo

First time

2009-04-06T14:46:00.000-07:00

http://www.imeem.com/people/

uhZ5q6/music/H1dEX4Td/2nd-attempt-pod-castingwav/

Break of Dawn.

2009-04-05T15:04:00.000-07:00

I decided to include a really old entree of my mine back at Charlie Boy's Confessions. which was my first blog when i was younger and (ahem!) much better looking

it was written while i was still undergoing my Basic Military Training in Tekong. I felt fear pangs return when i read it.

(click!)

A light switches loudly on abruptly.

i shut my eyes even tighter to escape the inevitable advent of the morning

two minutes later a hand from the bed next to mine reaches out and gives me a hard shake on my ankle. promptly jerking me awake.

I start folding my blanket while lying down and committed a deadly sin by falling back to sleep.

5 minutes later, a push to my chest sends me jolting up once more.I thank Ratan and sat up, eyes squinting around the room. Scratching my neck, i began to fold my blanket properly ( the first one was fucked) .

Others around me are already walking to the toilet to wash up.

"eh late already lah dey. wanna kena fuck ah?" I say to my bed buddy Rattan.

He pauses for 2 more seconds, as though trying to remember what his original plan was. sleepily nods his head, and proceeds to wear his other shoe.

i shake my head in amusement.

Cursing and swearing under my breath, i bend over with abundance of effort to wear my socks n shoes with have been strategically placed by the side of my single bed the night before.

My aching feet touches the cold cemented floor and my heart screamed out a silent gasp. Quick glance at my watch .

5.32am

"what would Sarah be doing now. what would everyone be doing now?"

i wondered.

A stupid question that i had unwittingly asked myself.

i had exactly 3 minutes to fall in at the stadium. People are already slamming their lockers and dashing out wildly while furiously tucking in their shirts.(immediate confinement for poor turnout which goes all the way down to dirty fingernails )banging into each other in the corridors as a process. This time of the morning is when most verbal fights break out.

I slam my locker shut, pick up my sling bag and at the same time look at the motto which i wrote on a piece of paper stuck in front of my locker. (everyone has one of their own.)

"Some are born great. some achieve greatness. While others, have greatness thrust upon them. "

-William Shakespeare-

I took a few steps and switched off the lights and fans.

At the same time, Thanking God in my heart for helping me to wake up and fight those motherfuckers who make my life a living hell down here. With that, i leave the room and join the endless throngs of rushing Soldiers, fighting to the break of dawn.

Solitude

2009-04-04T12:52:00.000-07:00

Life From Charlzees Perspective as of 4April09.

Bet you guys loved the picture, of course i didn't take it as i have neither the brains nor skill to carry out such a task, unfortunately i also have the mentality that you really need neither of them to be a great photographer,

just a Good camera and being in the right place and right time. lol, I'm a pessimist i know, but after such a turn of events, even optimistic charlzee deserves a break to be a sadistic pessimist for a while right?

which reminds me, thank you all once again for the super nice sms'es you all sent me, the comments in my Cbox and the non-stop msn'ing. basically, i couldn't blog because i was answering all you nice people's questions:)

things have taken a nasty turn and if you do read charlzees today, allow me to say this, PLEASE stop asking me how am i , what happened, do you wanna talk about it, and the worst one i heard so far, tell me ALL about it! cos truth is, I'm fine. and even if i wasn't, i wouldn't want to talk about it really. i like wallowing in my self pity. let me be.

anyway,Stanford has kindly allowed me to link him up and after reading his blog, I'm sure he deserves a slot in "excellent reads" don't you guys think so? let me know what you guys think of his blog and need be, I'll demote the poor bastard. lol

as of now, I'm getting to be quite sleepy, my sleep pattern's been severely disorientated. thank you one and all for visiting charlzees and being such loyal readers. super appreciate it. nightie:)

Credits: Sarah's very nice pictures.

Blowing Bubbles.

2009-04-03T14:56:00.000-07:00

Three ducks were brought to court. The guard asked the first duck what it's name was and why it was there.

The duck answered,

"My name is Quack and I was blowing bubbles."

The guard looked confused but moved on to the next duck, asking the same question.

"My name is Quack Quack and I was blowing bubbles."

When the third and last duck walked up the guard said,

"Let me guess, you're name is Quack Quack Quack and you were blowing bubbles."

The last duck answered calmly,

"Nope, my name is Bubbles."

wasn't that a laugh? laugh! its an order.

anyway, dirty as it may seem, that joke is totally one hundred and one percent irrelevant to my entree today "Blowing Bubbles"

so I'm going to make this clear first, please do not go out and purchase any ducks on impulse. I, Charlzee, will not be held responsible for instigating any undesirable behaviour which may constitute to the cruelty of animals. in this instance, ducks.

A huge thanks to all the people who wrote me nice stuff on my cbox, sent me sms'es, emails and face booked me to cheer me up. your kind gestures will not go unforgotten.

On the other hand, things for me have remained pretty stagnant with the missus. i guess she needs her own cooling off period and much as i. SO pathetic me pretty much spent the Friday by myself polishing my already very shiny motorcycle.

and yes, as the picture above suggests, blowing a fuck load of bubbles. the strange thing is, when we were young, we loved blowing bubbles. Somehow it was intriguing to see each bubble balloon up and float in mid-air to random directions. Never seeming to burst until it hit one another or a foreign obstacle. staring up at the evening sky that was clouded with balloons

it was.. strangely, therapeutic.

I'm seriously not trying to be one of those emo attention seeking

"ohhhhh. today i felt sooooo desolate and sad, i sat alone by the beach and sang a slow love song to myself, feeling my tears well up wishing i never had to say goodbye to my almost lover"

-cringe-

It seriously felt good and the best part is No whinny neighbours complained or threw anything down. or up. so i certify this with "Charlzees Safety Seal" a therapeutic method worth trying.

so next time , when life kicks you hard in the nuts, just go to the mama shop and get a 80cents bottle of bubbles, go to the corridor (or somewhere high up) and blow your Ass off.

Goodnight Guys, Good Morning ladies:)

Lights And Sounds

2009-04-02T13:32:00.000-07:00

"If music can soothe the savage beast, then why is it that it still cannot soothe my aching heart? "

-anonymous

yes those are my fat fingers

Fine, you know i made that up by myself, not too bad I'd say. forgive me friends and loyal readers, but i am really not in the mood to do anything much less blog.

I'm not much of a musician, but i guess i do play enough to know that after there are only so many keys you can hit after each one that you press. for eg, the scales. etc. ( i hope you guys know what I'm talking about cause this is how i see it since i can't read music notes to save my own ass)

sometimes i do wonder whether is life as such, every option or decision only allows you to move in those particular few squares, choose correctly and you produce a symphony. choose wrongly and you make pure noise.

i really should stop writing about reflections as its boring i know. once again forgive me as thoughts cloud my mind. i will be back soon i promise with better and greater entrees:

cheers one and all:)

Charlzee's Reflections.

2009-04-01T13:07:00.001-07:00

everyone needs an escape once in a while, usually right out of the frying pan and into the fire or taking due shelter from the cold, harsh realities of life.

A bubble bath, DVDs and sodas would do wonders even chicken soup could not do for the soul.

But where do you wander long after you've risen from your slumber only to find that you've lost yourself?

Reflections never tell lies, and when i stare right through myself all i see is that one daunting fact remains constant,

I'm pretty much by myself.

stronger, better, faster but just as much, Alone.

i heal fast, but that's no reason for me to hurt others to experiment my own limits.

But at the end of each sad day, what calms my seas is knowing that beyond the horizon, in the not so distant future, lies waiting a better man.

Apologies On Napkins

2009-03-31T15:26:00.000-07:00

Apologies On Napkins.

been really busy lately finding excuses not to blog. but then again as I'm still in the "Experimental" stages of blogging, i thought it wouldn't be wise to succumb to sloth, as its the number one reason for most people to stop doing things they love and end up missing out on the whole "learning process"

SO, today's entree is entitled "Apologies on Napkins" , a continuation from the last portion of my previous entree where i left off. for those who forgot, go back and read it (pssst.. Sarah was pissed with me remember? -wink- )

so, i tried calling and sms'ing but hell hath no furry like a Sarah scorned man. so after much thought and deliberation i decided on a somewhat more practical approach.

After waking up late, i admit, it was a little rushed job but i suppose the fact that i had only one marker in my house should earn a little forgiveness.

Shit like that only happens to me, 5 traffic lights to Sarah's house, and all 5 happen to turn red while i was passing by. Partly because i was going very slowly hoping that the flags will not fly off at the same time, looking out for the *white knights of the road (*Traffic Police )

This is especially for you Joanna

So i reached her place 15 minutes late and i didn't have time to whip my camera out to catch her expression but i can assure you by the look of her face,the way her puppy face lit up, instant forgiveness was expected.

it wasn't the

" You can't just come waltzing in here and expecting me to JUSTTT forgive you jack-ass"

It was the "AWWWWWWwwwwwwwwwwwwww"

Jackpot baby! (heh heh heh)

And then of course, to kill the fairy-tale with a single blow, we had a talk right there and then to "sort things out" (hoo boy) and it went.. pretty well. for her it is.

in order to show my appreciation for her forgiveness, we headed over to Charlzees. A new contemporary restaurant in Pasir Ris , The only place where the chef cooks with real love.

in case you are wondering what the 3 dishes are, they're sambal prawns, some lee kum kee fish thingy and Thai green curry. YUMM.

We even got a great price for it! it was really quiet even though it was the noon hour rush and we practically had the whole place to ourselves, too bad Charlzee's only opens for love ones.

So! in the end, Charlzee and Sarah lived happily after after,

until today! where i pissed her off again by doing something preeeeeteee much similar. stay tuned for More updates.

will Charlzee survive his second onslaught? lol.

Redundancy

2009-03-29T11:45:00.000-07:00

I realized today that there are quite a number of redundant terms in the English language,

for example,

"Hey there Stanford, you auntie yong just gave birth to a pair of baby twins at 12 midnight, it was such an unexpected surprise"

anything wrong with that sentence? if it sounds okay to you then try clicking scrolling up and reading from scratch.

lets try again.

"Hey there Stanford, you auntie yong just gave birth to a pair of baby twins at 12 midnight, it was such an unexpected surprise"

quite silly right?

if your auntie yong gave birth, its definitely to a baby right? then what else? a donkey arh? (laugh track )

If the babies are twins, OF COURSE they come in a pair right, when is midnight if not at 12? and of course, it wouldn't be unexpected if it wasn't a surprise and it wouldn't be a surprise if it were expected too right? tsk tsk.

Even stores try to tempt us with "free gifts" but isn't a gift supposed to be free already? have you ever paid for a gift?

i did once though when i was very much younger, and that was only cos i broke the toy before my dad had a chance of paying for it at the toy store. Oh but you get the idea don't you?

tsk tsk but those are just languages. one phrase that should be permanently banned from anywhere, is the phrase "no offence"

to me, the term "no offence" just acts as a mini disclaimer. a little cover-my-ass-so-i-look-like-I'm-being-intellectual-and-can-get-away-with-whatever-i-say.

for example, (pauses to think)

"Cally, no offence, but your mouth really looks like a donkey's ass when you smile. seriously no offence okay!? ( big giantass smile! ) "

-raises arms and opens eyes wide in a questioning manner (palms facing upwards-

-----------

if you seriously tried doing the above action, congrats, you're hooked to charlzee's insomnia. If you did it in front of the mirror, click HERE.

Without Further Delay - congratulations. thanks for just fucking wasting 2 seconds of my precious life delaying me further.

you're in the zoo over the weekend with your family when mum and dad says

Kids! there's a bunch of hippos mating somewhere around here, i can hear them. keep your eyes peeled.

do our baby black Singaporean eyes look like fucking veggies to you? they CAN"T be peeled dumb ass. and if your kids starting peeling their eyes, you'd flip.

a thought provocative one i read was

"they have to come together as a team and generate some offense. "

this sentence left me rolling my head back and laughing my fat ass out.

(pauses to snicker)

"Gentlemen. the rule of the thumb is.. don't F*** around .. blah blah"

since when do the thumbs make the rules around here?

unless you let Ur fingers do the talking, thumbs should not be given any authority. please don't encourage them. (laugh track)

and lastly before my tired eyes close for good

Utilize is just a stylo milo way of saying "Use".

" Joanna, please use our house toilet instead of the kopitiam one can? "

"Joanna, please Utilize our house' toilet instead of the kopitiam one can? "

does the

-raises arms and opens eyes wide in a questioning manner (palms facing upwards- thing

okay, as you know, I'm tired once again, so I'm off to bed. meanwhile my blog maybe under construction for a little while longer cos my dearest girlfriend Sarah is pissed off at me.

but I'm PREETTTYY sure after she sees the surprise i have for her tomorrow, she'd change her mind about being pissed. ho ho ho. goodnight world:)

Little boy.

2009-03-28T12:44:00.000-07:00

My auntie Ros ( my mum's sister) used to swing by over weekends to visit or bring some yummy goodies ( much to my delight) over for all of us at home.i usually look forward to her visits and would wait excitedly in the garden when my mum would say she's on her way.

i still remember her pet name for me was "Cutie pie" ( cringes ) and yes even though i cringe at it now, i loved being called that BACK THEN.

then one fine day, the million dollar question was popped.

"Charles ar, Next time if i have a son, you must take care of him okay? teach him all the good things, like how to play football, go fishing, and all the boy stuff okay? "

"okie auntie ros, s-dop worry-ing, he and me will be the best of friends. Phorr-miss!!"

i was about 10 years old when i verbally signed that death sentence.

and SOooo... exactly 10 years later, I'm sitting here on my sofa, watching national geographic, when Cally stomps over, hops over the head rest and lands right next to me.

" Charles, i feel like killing Joshua"

"why...? what did he do this time?" i replied nonchalantly while still looking at the screen, apparently not very bothered.

"i was teaching him his pri 4 math, when i couldn't find my eraser. i really looked. i even went back into my room to search but really couldn't find."

"and then? .."

" when i got back, i saw him. scissors in one hand, my FAVOURITE eraser in the other, GRINNING ear-to-ear at me with that stupid smile WAITING for me to look at him and -slice- ( she makes slicing motion with hands) "

"he cut your eraser in half? "

"bingo.. grrr. then never mind you know, after he cut right, he look at me and suddenly, HARRR!! HARR!!!! I CUT CALLY'S ERASERRRR! ! HARRR!HARR!!"

"really..? he did that? " i asked trying to sound as cool as possible. (act cool lar abit lar)

"YES"

at that point of time, 10year old Joshua was in my sister's room. so i called him over and made him sit next to me on the sofa.

"JOSHUA AA!!!"

"yes kor kor Charles? " he asked innocently while looking at the TV. which i promptly turned off.

"did you cut jie jie Cally's eraser??! tell me the truth"

"errr.. NO!"

"No?? you didn't? "

" Okay! Yes i DID"

"WHY?!"

"err.. cos .. cos.. it was FUNEEE" HA HAHAHAHHA"

"JOSHUA!! ?how can you do such things!? "

-silence-

"the eraser does not belong to you, you anyhow go and cut. how would u like it if i go over to your house and cut all your books up? huh?? "

-silence, he looks away-

"NO Nintendo Wii for you today, you are NOT allowed to play. and Joshua, i am VERY VERY DISAPPOINTED with you. "

with that, i left him alone in the living room and went back inside my room.

long after he left.

Cally told me

"eh Charles, what did you say to him man? wah lau, you made him cry lei, i think ar, he really looked up to you that's why he cry, wah lau , i scold him so much he keep laughing lei, you talk abit abit he cry already"

then the guilt pangs hit me like a tidal wave, cos i remembered that was exactly how sad i was every time someone damn close to my heart said

"Charles, i am VERY disappointed with you "

makes me feel all shitty and everything.

so the next day, i went out to white sands and bought him the largest kick ass pack of toy soldiers my NS allowance could afford. And the treaty was renewed. he stays away from cutting erasers, and i .. just don't get dissapointed.

dear readers, im so sorry if this isn't an entertaining post but i just thought you might get to know my cousin joshua in case he becomes PM in the future, then you may just have to kiss his ass. its getting late and sleep calls goodnight everyone:)

disclaimer: the story may not be that accurate as incident happened months ago. so cally, stop attempting to defame me thank you!

Charlzee's Directives of Punishment For Twits.

2009-03-27T11:51:00.000-07:00

More or less, I'm pretty much anti Twit.

can't stand the cheena language, the berms and slippers. the DISGUSTING hair. and usually, the fucked up faces that go along with it.

(disclaimer: but if you are my friend, it auto disregards you from the above mentioned list)

its been ages since i last took a bus or train anywhere but when i was handicapped for a short period of time after my knee op, i couldn't ride to school. therefore i had to take the train, and bus and boy, you had no idea how many times i wanted to shove my crutches up one of their assholes.

and whats more, i was in a good mood.

SO...... Ive come up with..

Charlzee's Directives of Punishments For Twits!

tah-dah!!! (music plays)

here goes..

Scenario #1

This one's for parents. your child/ward is seldom if not, never at home, is constantly rude and unresponsive. shows attitude and starts storing raw pig heads in the freezer. Twit alert!!!

Punishment:

Twit is confined for 365 days. allowed to go out only when wearing Squeaky children's shoes with Blinking lights. removal of shoes for ANY reason automatically adds 365 days to your sentence.

Scenario #2

Ah Beng blasts Disgusting outdated techno/trance music on his lousy 3rd grade hand phone or mp3, oblivious to his surroundings. annoying everyone around him/her and shaking his hairless skinny legs non-stop to the beat of his noise.

Punishment:

headphones will play Steven Lim's rendition of "she Bangs" on repeat while glued to twits ear for 24 hours a day, 24 months.

at the end of treatment, twit should show signs of extreme fear toward the triangular shaped "play" button

Scenario # 3

you just came out of a shopping center and you see a bunch of under-aged twits in school uniforms (or obviously under-aged) smoking their lungs off and blowing their contaminated 2nd hand smoke in your direction. wtf, i had to bloody wait till I'm 18 then i could smoke and these guys are acting cool smoking? hah not a chance.

Punishment:

Twit sentenced to IMMEDIATE 100 cigarette punishment. all 100 cigs must be smoked at the same time, if one stick drops out of mouth or is extinguished, another 100 sticks will be added.

scenario#4

twits are camwhoring.

punishment:

Singapore is a 1st world country with rapidly improving technology with each passing day. therefore, all cameras will come with "anti twit" function. which means all cameras come with in built taser guns. with face recognition technology, the gun will not miss.

Scenario #5

it is a public place and young annoying high testerone filled twits are describing body parts to each other with amazing and creative use of dialect.

punishment:

twit sentenced to immediate dental braces treatment. with re-tightening every 2 hours. that should shut them up for good.

scenario #6

twit adds your girlfriend and her female companions on facebook/friendster and sends them messages non stop.

punishment:

" Heyz, Wanna Be Frenz? " - Lunch Date with Steven Lim and Be Nice

" ErMs.. Can XChAnge No?" - Kiss Steven Lim and Be Nice

" euu R Damn Hot, LeTs hoOk Up Lei" - Bend Over for Steven Lim's glorious entrance. (oh i forgot, and be nice)

Scenario #7.

it is a crowded day on the MRT or Bus. twits slides into priority seat and pretends to fall asleep, becomes a nuisance, does anything that involves annoyance.

Punishment:

Twit will be issued with special "twit" EZ-link card. with girly scribbles all over the place and the name and ic number spelled something like

~LiM aH BeNg` <3

S90726789f

when you scan your card, the alarm will go off in control station or bus control panel "Twwitt alerrtt!!!" and you will be assigned a special seat. twits can ONLY sit at the special seat and NO where else.

this concludes the end of charlzees directives of punishment for twits. its freaking 5.27am and my eyes are closing. goodnight world.

credits: Sarah ( thanks for designing the picture)

Man who flung wife out of window jailed 25 months, but she says he's not to blame

2009-03-26T04:12:00.000-07:00

Man who flung wife out of window jailed 25 months, but she says he's not to blame

I really cannot stand how fake people can get. who the HELL would wanna pretend and act as though she's really in total love with him and willing to "forgive all" when she got thrown out of the window

Women are damn good at that. making themselves look like the victim of every situation. I'm not saying that men don't have a part to play but generally, women always seem to be playing the victimized role. and men? mostly cowards. running away, never admitting their mistakes and never accepting RESPONSIBILITY . you'll never hear a "I'm sorry, it was my fault" coming from a guy, hardly lah.

Thus ,this brings us to to the news of how this Thai national was flung out of the window by her supposedly "drunk" husband.

that's her. okay lar, passable .

That's him.

I saved his image in my computer as "yuck". if he ever walked on weekends in the supermarket, people would stare and mothers would pull their children away whispering " sonny, stay away from the boomer"

Of course, you can argue and say that true love conquers all and that fat shit was actually under-going some traumatic depressive chronic crap. come on. you're actually trying that?

The fat fuck was already preparing his Aussie passport even before he heard that his wife had survived the fall . if i murdered someone, I'd definitely want to run as fast as i can right? take the fucking next flight out of Singapore. If die die really Cannot run then better fucking pretend you're damn bloody mentally retarded and garnish it with a little alcohol, there's no 2 ways about it.

I think the poor Thai girl probably needs him. that's why she begged for leniency on his part. he paid for this for her, paid for that. of course lar she'd want him back. she's not even a local. she NEEDS him.

IF it were me who were flung out of the window for one reason or the other and lived to tell the tale, I'll hunt the sonofabitch down tie his balls to a string and attach it to the bedpost, and do the exactly what he did to me, fling him out of the window.

And just for kicks I'd prob document the whole thing and play it at his funeral.

http://newpaper.asia1.com.sg/news/story/0,4136,196936,00.html?

Earth Hour 2009.

2009-03-25T01:08:00.001-07:00

okay, so i guess I'm pretty much a hypocrite if I'm blogging about earth hour now. I'm one of the first few people environmentalist would crucify if they found out that at age 20, i still sleep with the lights on. for OBVIOUS reasons. (There are little men in the cupboard )

okay jokes aside,

if YOU haven't heard about EARTH HOUR 2009,

WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?!?!?!?!?

get OUT of your little tortoise shell and realize ,this is where its at ladies and gentlemen.

This is the world's first global election.

between EARTH and GLOBAL WARMING.

date: march 28, Saturday. 2009

8.30pm to 9.30pm-local time wherever you are on planet earth

friends and foes alike, there are only 2 ways of voting.

vote EARTH by simply switching off your lights for ONE tiney whiney little hour. do your part and actually feel good about it

vote GlOBAL WARMING by simply leaving them on. proving what a selfish jackass you are, indefinitely showing your true Singaporean colours.

They need one million votes for EARTH, to tell world leaders that we have to take action against global warming. so what are ya waiting for? Ive signed up. why are you still reading this? go go go now!

http://www.earthhour.org/home/ --CLICK HERE!

Quiz Whiz

2009-03-24T11:10:00.001-07:00

Against my better judgment, Ive decided to post up one of them quizzes even though i don't really think very highly of them . ha ha ha. but if you've been to my facebook lately, you'd realize that i'll be quite hypocritical if i said i don't like doing them. again (ha ha ha)

1: Besides your lips, where is your favorite spot to get kissed?
- I guess its my cheek? lol not butt cheek please. .

2: How do you feel when you woke up this morning?
- MC feels DAMNNN good.

3: Who was the last person you took a photo with?
- Sarah baby:)

4: Would you consider yourself to be spoiled?
- Nope, please spoil me rotten

5: Would you ever donate blood?
- if i had the opportunity to, i guess so.(making excuses here)

6: Have you ever had a best friend who was of the opposite sex?
- yeah, but of course it was for ulterior motives. hahahaha (disclaimer:in my younger days)

7: Do you want someone dead
- check the straits time's obituaries for my personal portfolio

8:What does your last text message say?
- ok

9:What are you thinking of right now?
- (CENSORED)

10: Do you wish someone was with you right now?
- Yes.

11: What time did you go to sleep last night?
- Pretty early. in the morning. har har.

12: Where did you buy the T-shirt you are wearing now?
- SAF E mart. its a prisoner outfit

13: Is someone on your mind right now?
- she's quite a well known celebrity in one of those "pop up" windows

14: Who was the last person to text you?
- My dad.

.10 PEOPLE TAGGED TO DO THIS QUIZ :
1/ Sarah baby
2/ Raphael
3/ weikang
4/ vincent
5/ Joanna
6/ Jo chua
7/ Cally
8/ Rachel
9/ Wendy
10/ Gillian Pasta. lol

15: Who is 2 having a relationship with?
- He's a Lone wolf at the moment

16: Is 3 a male or a female?
- Male.

17: If 7 and 9 get together will that be a good thing?
- Nope, but I'd enjoy watching.

18: What is Number 1 studying about?
- She's In one of the top design schools in Singapore:)

20: Is Number 4 single?
- Temporarily, Yes

21: Say something about Number 5.
- Black really isn't her real hair colour

22: What do you think about Number 3 and 6 being together?
- Ani't gonna happen baby

23: Describe Number 1.
- My One and Only. :)

24: What will you do if Number 6 and 7 fight?
- Grab Some popcorn and cheer em on.

25: Do you like Number 8?
- I better, she's gonna give me MC's when she's a Doctor.

here ya go marie, i hope you are happy:)

Seeing Is Believing

2009-03-23T07:27:00.000-07:00

Seeing Is Believing.

I've been around the net just looking for stuff that would probably interest you. and then i came across this picture which i remember looking at a few years back

its really cool!! just.. follow my instructions carefully. And Most importantly, don't get freaked out! i wouldn't want to be held responsible for the sudden massive patronage at woodbridge hospital ( a mental facility)

1.) stare at the four dots in the center of the picture as hard as you can for about 20 to 30 seconds until your vision starts to blur. do not blink.

2) after that, turn your gaze (look) at the nearest plain wall. and blink a few times. what do you see? :)

if you found yourself squinting really hard at the screen and actually having FUN, congratulations. you're at the right website. next up, an even more interesting picture, this one's easy

now,

*1) keep your body as still as possible.

2) put your right hand on your mouse. and scroll down

3)see that picture? whats inside the circle should be jumping about (vibrating)

*4) move your body to and fro while staring at the picture. what do you see? :)

i hope you found that interesting, now the next time someone tells you "seeing is believing" believe the poor bastard for Christ sake . now start getting all your friends to charlzees and show them this cool stuff right here.

The Ten Ah Lian Poses

2009-03-22T00:24:00.000-07:00

I remember some time ago while i was at a church camp in Malaysia, one of my friends, Valerie Lim, was telling me about

" The Ten Ah Lian poses"

so i decided to be a nicey and find pictures and illustrations to "show" you how these poses are done. And hopefully, get a sadistic kick out of doing it at the same time. For those pictures which i REALLY can't find, I'll be kind enough to illustrate them with my own examples though not very cute.

(evil laugh)

Ah Lian Pose #1
(the cheek poke)

For one reason or another the cheek pokers seem to think its cute and eye catching to have that artificial "pout"

Ah Lian Pose #2

(The Twist)

The picture speaks for itself!

(muhahaha sorry Joanna)

Ah Lian Pose #3

(The okay sign)

i seriously have no idea what kind of thoughts are running rampant in your sick little heads right now.

Ah Lian Pose #4

(The Double Twist)

Ah Lian Pose #5

( Blow the Kiss)

Ah Lian Pose #6

(i love you!)

Ah Lian Pose #7

(The Name is Bond)

Ah Lian Pose #8

(the Model was unavailable for comment)

Ah Lian Pose # 9

( Call me kaes? )

Ah Lian Pose #10

( shout out loud! )

And so, this concludes the 1o ah lian poses and i pray for your condemned soul if you are ever caught with any of these poses on a photograph.

and to joanna! this doesn't apply to you. hahahhaha

quoted : http://phiyornah.blogdrive.com/

and

http://twot.wordpress.com/

Newsflash

2009-03-21T13:11:00.000-07:00

Newsflash

so charlzee has been really tired, sick and sleepy lately, with an annoying nose that constantly bleeds, an injured knee that constantly hurts, braced teeth that constantly move and a giant ass penis that constantly erects at all the wrong moments (even when the weather isn't cold) .

hahaha. okay cancel the last part. too much information

so my sister Cally said to me today,

" can you stop blogging about all these useless stuff? no one wants to read all these nonsense, blog about your life! "

so i thought to myself, I'M SURE you guys would want to read about how miserable my miserable life already is.

so after much thought and deliberation, i decided on just a short entree tonight just to appease all the ladies out there who want to know "more about my dim witted life"

lately, I've been very happy with myself at my life going back on track, I've finally found a hobby which i can really relate to. writing!

always loved writing but because of my constant lack of education and vocabulary, my entrees always amounted to nothing more that amateur-ish twitism style posts (in fact some entrees still do reek of them)

but that aside, I've finally got my braces done, am studying my part time mass com diploma at night. lost 2 kg since my braces. I'm pretty much en route to fulfilling my new year resolutions/life goals.

and today,

was so kindly invited to join in the celebrations of wei kang's and peng siong's birthday celebrations in pizza hut. one of the largest gatherings since God knows when and yes, the. food. was. IMMACULATE!!

BUT!!! (There's always a fucking but)

i couldn't eat without my teeth screaming its balls off.

"hey buddy! you're hurting our gums man! can you fucking stop stuffing that hole in your face before you snuff it sooner or later huh!? "

but i went against the men in white and silver's wishes and ate.

right now as i am typing this, I'm severely regretting my actions for the evening as the pain is excruciating. i tried putting wax on the braces but it seems worse.

i had a great evening with everyone attempting to scare me but rest assured, i would have made it Scot free without looking like a escapee convicted for being the world's most professional pussy if not for a fucking tree branch in Kent ridge park that shrinked my balls to a fucking goldfish size.

OK dear boys and girls,

"charless..."

you heard that?

"charlessssss........."

there it goes again!

oh. its just my bed. ( lame ) nightie night one and all.

Food And Drinks Are Not Allowed To Consume

2009-03-20T12:24:00.000-07:00

i thought this sign was super funny when i read it while eating at pasir ris central a few weeks back.

"OUTSIDE FOODS AND DRINKS ARE NOT ALLOWED TO CONSUME IN THIS PREMISES"

i mean, we're talking about modern 21'st century Singapore here, not some rural china where spelling and grammatical errors run rampant even in signs! ha ha.

so i thought to myself, what if I made the mistake? not THEM. but I. hmmmmm.

how interesting.

And so in the end, MC spicy and coke gave birth to many many EVM's ( extra value meals ) and lived happily ever after.

~THE END~